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Cry out for advice

I will try to make this short and clear but it is a little confusing so please be patient.
Back in October I found out my DH was texting and talking to a girl. We talked and he said it was over. We went to marriage counseling and everything seemed to be in the right track. I was trying to believe him again because he is a great man, great father and of course I was still in love. Last night, I found a new text and came from the same girl. I was so upset that I told him to leave the house but my mom was here and she asked him to stay and talk. She didn't know anything about what happened back in October. We talked and he doesn't seem to get what he did wrong. He promised me he never had sex.(sure, I will believe that) anyway, he doesn't think he did such a horrible thing. He thinks having sex it is something really a big deal but just talking is not.
Now my questions for you girls. What should I do? Should I just move on with my life and forget about him or should I give him another chance?Been with him for almost 7 years and we have to beautiful children. Any advice will be appreciated.

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bratgirln1

Asked by bratgirln1 at 11:50 AM on Nov. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,554 Credits)
Answers (28)
  • I think you should kick his ass out. He promised you in last October he won't talk to her anymore. He has been lying to you for very long time. It's disrespectful. If nothing wasn't going on why the hell he he hidden it for so long? Kick him out and see if that will wake him up.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 11:54 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Obviously he does not get that having conversations with other women about intimate things is the same as cheating. Also, he doesn't get that having a now casual conversation with that same women is not ok.

    I would say get back into counsiling and work thru it. If he does it again after that, I would be done.

    I would also talk with your mom and let her know that when you tell DH something that she needs to keep her nose out of it since she doesn't know the whole story.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:55 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • That's a tough one!!! You absolutely should try to work it out for your kids. But if he did it before and he said it would stop and it hasn't, then there is a pattern developing.
    mamax4our

    Answer by mamax4our at 11:55 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I agree, however innocent it might be, I wouldn't be comfortable with my husband having a relationship with another woman. A lot of people are fine with opposite sex friends, but I feel like it can take away from a couple's relationship, and it's a dangerous situation to be in, if both spouses are comfortable with it fine, but if either spouse is uncomfortable the other spouse should love them enough to respect that. As for divorce, I think I'd try going back to couples counseling....what did the counselor say about his text relationship? How did he respond? If your marriage is otherwise good, I think I'd try to work on it, but I do understand how you feel.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:57 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Well obviously this is a problem, you forgave him once and he did it again...Because if he hadn't been texting her back she wouldn''t still be texting him a month later. Sit him down and talk to him about it, be serious. Tell him if I find out you text again this is going to happen ......and tell him what you will do(be sure it is something you plan to follow through with because if you dont he will do it over and over again) Tell him how it makes you feel when you know he is talking to another woman. Tell him you don't want your kids to grow up with out a father but you refuse to spend your life with someone who isn't 100% dedicated to your relationship. Just lay the law down to him, and if you feel you have no other choice, end the relationship...You have to stand up for yourself and do what makes you happy, and only give your all for someone who will do the same for you...Good Luck :)
    BlainesMommy09

    Answer by BlainesMommy09 at 11:57 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Thank you moms, but I have another question for those who believe I should give him another chance. HOW CAN I TRUST HIM AGAIN?
    bratgirln1

    Comment by bratgirln1 (original poster) at 11:58 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Kick him out and move on. He is doing more than texting another girl. Even if he is just texting her, he is having an emotional affair. You cannot trust him and that is very bad for a relationship. Once the trust is gone, the relationship is doomed. You already tried the counseling and he could have lied in counseling.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:00 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Look in your heart past the I love him and past the I hate him. A women knows when a man is being dishonest and unfaithful, that we choose to cover it up or ignore it, is a totally different matter but we know. If he's dense enough or just playing stupid, then explain to him in baby term that him show ANY attention whatsoever to another women is unacceptable. He may NOT have had sex with her but this texting, talking and sharing is just a precursor and can only lead to something bad. Tell him to cut this and all inappropriate ties (what I mean by inappropriate is what YOU think is inappropriate not what HE or your MOTHER thinks is inappropriate) with any other women and while you're at it, for all it's good intentions, tell you mother to but out of your relationship.
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 12:01 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Would you trust him if he watched porn or read girly magazines? It's the same thing to a man. He's not wanting the sex, he's wanting the sexual excitement. How about if you start texting him like that? You can't change him but you can change you. Play with the man. If he's in to texting then join him. marriage is about compromise. I wouldn't throw away a perfectly good man. I'd just learn to play the game with him
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:01 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Well, I forgot to mention that back in October, he broke his phone because he ended the friendship with that girl. Then he went and got a prepaid phone. AND 3 days ago, he wanted to be back in my family plan, and he got a brand new number. What that heck?
    bratgirln1

    Comment by bratgirln1 (original poster) at 12:03 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

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