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how much envolvment is there with your adopted kids?

i adopted a son and reunited with him. recently he has made some really bad choices and want to talk to him about it but i'm not sure it's my place. has anyone felt like this? what did you do?

 
melody77

Asked by melody77 at 12:41 PM on Nov. 21, 2010 in Adoption

Level 18 (5,435 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I've always known my BM. She once told me, "I may not always agree with your choices, but I understand them and will never stop loving you" I've gone through a lot....good choices and bad. She's always been there for me; never judging, but offering support and guidance. How much you step in depends on your relationship with him. Have his AP spoken to him? How did he respond to their opinions? Gauge his response on that.
    PhantomsFairie

    Answer by PhantomsFairie at 5:13 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • you gave your son up for adoption?
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:51 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • yes so sorry i didn't clarify that.
    melody77

    Comment by melody77 (original poster) at 1:02 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I think you tread dangerous territory. I personally would let him know you are available and open if he ever wants to talk but not try to force him to listen or to suggest what to even talk about. Just let him know you can listen to anything and leave it at that. If he has made poor choices then that is all on him and who he goes to for seeking support is up to him. All he can do is take a look around and make a decision about who he wants to confide in. And if he doesn't think he made poor choices....you just have to let him hit bottom all the while saying you are willing to listen.  It is difficult for parents to let their adult children hit bottom or fail, to make painfully wrong choices for their lives, but if you want a child to come out the other end healthy on their own terms - it is what you have to do.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 4:20 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I am reunited with my 22 year old son. He's made and continues to make bad choices. I just tell him "you know I don't approve of that behaviour" or "I don't think that's a smart thing for you to do." That's about all I can do. Check out the adoption reunion group http://www.cafemom.com/group/14715

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 7:58 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • ok...I was adopted and reunited with my BFamily over 10 years ago...I did NOT feel it was their place to treat me like my parent. have parents and that is their job. My relationship with my BParents is more of a friendship and that is ALL. I would tread VERY carefully if you want to continue your relationship.
    coolchic320

    Answer by coolchic320 at 8:05 PM on Nov. 22, 2010