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11 Bumps

Curious as to this statment "My husband cheating made our marriage stronger."

How exactly?

I am narrow minded and can only think how it would destroy everything. So I'm truly curious to learn a new point of view.

 
Orionsgirl

Asked by Orionsgirl at 1:23 PM on Nov. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Level 31 (48,442 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (31)
  • Studies have shown this to be true if the man was remorseful and they worked together to mend the broken fence. Something made him stray in the first place so it gives them both the opportunity to better themselves in the relationship.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:09 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I know someone whose husband cheated, they separated for a year, and she will tell you that his affair made their relationship stronger. It was a wake-up call for her (she was not a good wife), and he realized that he loved her, but not how she treated him. They went to counseling for awhile, and they have been back together now for 8 years. I think that for some couples an affair makes them examine both of their roles in the marriage.

    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 1:32 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I'll bump you because I've always wondered this myself
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 1:24 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I think that is someone who is fooling herself because she is afraid of being alone. If there is cheating, you either get counseling and resolve it or you leave. Most of the time, cheating ends a marriage. I wouldn't say it would make a marriage stronger. If it continued,it would be "different" .
    kerp1960

    Answer by kerp1960 at 1:31 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I have yet to know a couple who dealt with infidelity on one side or the other and it didn't end. One tried to work it out but she couldn't get past it and he didn't think he had done anything wrong.

    As for the whole, "she was a bad wife" or "he was not a good husband" excuse, it's just that. An excuse. Men and women cheat for one reason in my opinion - they are selfish. They know it will hurt their spouse unbelievably and probably end their marriage if found out and do it anyway. If you're marriage is not good, work on it or leave. There is no valid reason whatsoever to cheat. It's spiteful, not classy, and disgusting.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 3:23 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Yeah, IDK. Part of me wants to call Bullshit, too. Because I just don't see how it can possibly strengthen a relationship. But then you hear people say it has. I suppose there are a few rare cases where it has, but that would but just that, a few rare cases. It's true that some people just don't treat their spouse well. And that spouse may end up cheating with someone that finds that weakness in them, and gets in. After that, the one that treats the spouse poorly decides they want to change, and they change. They work it out, and the marriage is better for it. But, for me, I don't see how it can be done because my marriage just isn't like that. We treat each other the same. Sometimes we treat each other like crap, but we love each other very much. We both feel we were just meant for each other. And IF there was ever an affair, that would be it. No working things out. No forgiveness. Ever. Just hate.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 3:33 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • hmmm if my husband cheated I know it would not make the marriage stronger but it would make me stronger as I file for divorce...
    Debalexxa

    Answer by Debalexxa at 12:04 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I find that very hard to believe- wishful thinking I guess....

    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 1:25 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I dont think that could make my marraige stronger.... if anything it would be at its weakest because i would lose all trust in my spouse and im not sure if i could forgive him. I would opt for counseling. Id also probably wonder "is he cheating on me" if hes late from work or has to go away for work.
    marinesweetie

    Answer by marinesweetie at 1:30 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Wait for it...wait for it...here it comes...BULLSHIT!!! I've lived through it and have heard that from all the "helpful" therapist, websites, books and it's all bullshit. You're marriage will never be the same after he cheats. It can go from horrible to so so but never stronger. The people that say that are the women who swallow their pride, dignity and respect. Oh, and the forgive and forget...DOUBLE BULLSHIT!!!
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 1:34 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

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