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3 Bumps

This is awful to say

Ok, so I had an affair on my hubby like 6 months ago. He knows about it, didn't say anything, and doesn't want to talk about it. His motto is "ignore it and the problems go away". My DH and I obviously have had a lot of problems, and it doesn't excuse the fact of my behavior/actions.

First question: Do you think it's normal for him not to be jealous, or mad, or upset?

I've ask him if he wanted to divorce me, he says no. Not that I want a divorce, but, is that normal too?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:04 PM on Nov. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (22)
  • Sounds like he's in denial, if not there's something else going on here ie. he's insecure with himself, has someone too you don't know about. But it's very strange that he has no emotions either way..
    Kathy675

    Answer by Kathy675 at 5:10 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • maybe you got lucky and he's forgiven your action. i mean, really..what good would it do for him to react negatively...would it excuse your behavior, if he got mad and screamed or punched a hole in the wall?
    if there are problems other than your adultery, which you can't blame on the other problems--no one makes a spouse cheat-then you two should deal with those.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 5:11 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Um no, not normal. I think that major communication between you and your husband is the only way to go about the situation. Something as serious as an affair should never be ignored. I can guarantee he is jealous, upset, pissed, and full of sadness. Anyone would be. You are going to have to talk with him, he is going to have to talk to you, and I say get a marriage counselor involved to get more in depth.
    Sharell8710

    Answer by Sharell8710 at 5:11 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I've tried to talk to him, and ask about counseling. Again, he doesn't want it.

    I just find that behavior strange, extremely strange. Not that I want him to go nuts or anything, but I sure as hell would want him to blow off a little steam instead of letting it build up. You all know what I mean?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:16 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • who's to say what's "normal" or not? I know that my DH used to try to ignore things and hope they went away. Sometimes I think people don't want to think about things because they don't want to feel feelings, such as, jealousy, anger or upset. If it were me I would want to be able to hash it all out (probably in counseling) in order to hopefully in the end have a better marriage. But I would need to know if he was ignoring the situation because it hurt too much or that he just didn't care. And either way I would want to know so that we could move on either to a better marriage or on with our seperate lives. GL
    sue118

    Answer by sue118 at 5:18 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • HE might be jealous,
    HE is mad,
    HE is upset
    but like you said

    His motto is "ignore it and the problems go away"

    he is in his CAVE..he may want to talk about later date, or act out against you, it is most likely NOT over for him, he is just in his cave for a long time, because this is an extremely hurtful thing
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 5:29 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Everyone does not deal with things the same way. Like the one poster said maybe he is in denial. Maybe it will come out later. He could just be one of those men who bury stuff. I would say he'd rather be with you than without you. I think he loves you and just wants to ignore it and make it go away and resume his life with you. I know men like that who have been the same way as your husband. I wouldn't push him anymore to talk about it, if he wants to let him bring it up and take life as it comes. I hope everything works out for the both of you.

    Shines3

    Answer by Shines3 at 5:38 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • You know, I think when and if he is ever ready to talk about he will. I think you should stop being selfish about the whole situation. It seems as though YOU want to talk about it because it is bothering YOU. And because YOU wanted to satisfy YOUR needs for whatever reason, now YOU are in this situation.


    Some people just love someone so much they would rather not discuss what happened, and just forget about it.


    Don't force him to talk about it because YOU think that is what supposed to be done

    sheloveearth

    Answer by sheloveearth at 5:47 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • "Some people just love someone so much they would rather not discuss what happened, and just forget about it."

    You know shelove, I disagree.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:53 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Some people expect it to happen. My mom told me all men cheat (which they don't) so when my x cheated I was relieved it happened and was over so we could get on with life.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:17 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

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