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do you/have you ever felt this way?

I'm a young mom...I've made big mistakes that I can't take back but I'm trying to get myself back on track. I'm 20, my daughter is 14 months. I go to school full time at one of the nicest colleges in my state. I'm studying Secondary education english along with a minor in spanish and arabic. I want to be an ESL teacher...I used to think I'd like to be a lawyer but that's a hectic lifestyle for someone who already has a child. I want to do something more family oriented and I've loved the idea of teaching for as long as I can remember. I live with my parents because I want to save money and get stable before I move out with my daughter.

When she was born, I had major psychological issues due to her dad leaving me after a 5 year relationship and post partum depression...we didn't bond like we should have...now we are getting very close.

I just get so scared some times...I'm afraid I'm not going to do well with her. What if I'm not a good mom? What if she hates me because I didn't take her father back when he tried to come back...he put me through hell and now he's moving because I wouldn't get back together with him...she's not going to know her dad because I did what I felt was right for myself and my daughter...he was very emotionally abusive, and he cheated, plus he left me 3 days before i gave birth and didn't return for months...during which time he got together with a women 15 years older than him with 5 kids and lived with her...broke my heart. My daughter might not understand that he father really only cares about one thing....controlling me and it took me a very long time to see that too. I'm just so worried she won't love me, or I'll mess up somehow.

I love her more than anything...I am content with the idea of staying single forever as long as I have my girl. I've grown up a lot and she has become the center of my universe (in a healthy way lol) but I can't help but worry that I might not turn out to be a good mom :(

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:47 PM on Nov. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • ok, are you ready? here it goes......the good news THIS IS ALL NORMAL! whoo hoo! The bad news YOU WILL FOREVER MAKE MISTAKES! AND THIS TOO IS NORMAL! DOUBLE WHOO HOO! The most important thing is to take care of yourself in order to take care of her. Use all the resources you can and take a deep breathe. Everything will be just fine! When you feel all is lost or begin to worry, talk to "us" here. Then you will really know you are not alone! Share the laughs and tears with us. We are all on this journey of motherhood, womanhood and neurotic episodes with happy hour somewhere inbetween! Oh, I left out the reality.....SNAP TO IT SISTER....YOU WILL NOT BE SINGLE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! RAOTFLMAO! Men will once again come and go...just PLEASE remember to keep these relationships seperate from your "family" for awhile. Your focus for some years to come only remains with true love...you and your daughter! ♥
    NoDramaMamma

    Answer by NoDramaMamma at 10:53 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Honey.... I can empathize with your concern. My ex husband used to abuse me everyday just for trying to defend myself and my decisions. We were married for nearly four years. He got me pregnant twice before we were married. He punched me in the stomach several times with the first pregnancy, and I lost it. The second pregnancy, although he punched me several times again never aborted itself. So he forced me into an abortion. Ten years later I remarried. I married a man with a heart of gold. We got pregnant three months after we married and he is so loving already. He talks to my belly and he rubs my belly telling the baby to be nice to his/her momma. Sweetheart, this is not your fault and I promise you that even if your daughter doesn't understand while she is young, she WILL understand as she grows up. My biological parents divorced when I was three, and for the longest time I did not understand why...T.B.C.
    FirstTimeMom224

    Answer by FirstTimeMom224 at 10:55 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I think all of us mothers worry that we aren't the best moms we can be. You may never get over that. You need to keep reminding yourself of what could have happened if you had stayed in an abusive relationship -- she might have seen the way he treated you and grew up to be with the same type of guy. You did what you thought was right and hard as it may be, I think it was healthy to do. She will understand when she is older and will know that you have always put her first. Just keep your chin up and keep up the good work.
    sweet29mom

    Answer by sweet29mom at 10:56 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • i dont hate my mom. and she did somewhat what you are talking about doing.. it was a little confusing for me when my real father came back and i already ahd a "daddy" but i got over that.. all you can do is what you feel is right and stick with it!
    2boysmommy.js

    Answer by 2boysmommy.js at 10:56 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • My point is I am still not confident in my mothering abilities however I know that everything will be alright. You will see just by how your daughter responds to you and how much you love her. Everything will be alright and I am SO confident that you will surprise yourself with how wonderful a mother you will be. I mean look how concerned you are now? That in itself is an amazing mother. You have no reason to doubt yourself sweetheart. It'll be fine. *hugs*
    FirstTimeMom224

    Answer by FirstTimeMom224 at 10:57 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • BTW, she will love and respect you for your decision. You made a smart choice with him. When she gets older she will understand. You are here example and what you do in your life will lead the way of what she will look for and allow/accept into her life! Would you rather have her say, My Mom is strong and loves me and I won't accept anything less than someone to give me what my Mom did and more....or would you rather really have her "hate" you and say...Mom why didn't you leave "him", look how he treats you and I am not happy...(as she runs off and dates idiots!) All in a matter of perspective. Just keep the big picture in mind. Enjoy every moment in the present and live for today. Plan for tomorrow and continue with your smart choices. She will always love you...I promise!
    NoDramaMamma

    Answer by NoDramaMamma at 10:57 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • All moms make mistakes. It's part of being human. Many of us worry we won't be good moms but kids just want us to be their mom and love them. That's all they ask of us. Do that and you both will be fine.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:10 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • You're working on your teaching degree, you're pursuing like a million majors and minors, you're learning TWO other languages, you're AWESOME, are you kidding me? No one is a perfect mother, but through your strength and independence, of kicking the sorry SOB to the curb, you are showing your daughter that she has a great future ahead of her. She will know that her mother worked very hard to provide for her in many ways. She will know that it's not ok for a man to treat HER poorly, just like her mother showed her. She will know it's important for her to go to college because she'll get a better job and be able to provide for her children. Sure, you'll make mistakes, like, DOH I shouldn't have said that. Great, get in line, you're human like the rest of us. :) But most of all, you are showing your daughter how important she is and how much you love her. I think that is amazing and worth more than anything!!
    TwoBrownDogs

    Answer by TwoBrownDogs at 11:27 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • You are normal! Relax! We all feel stuff similar depending on our situations. The fact that you worry about being a bad mom tells me that you are a good mom!!
    MizusT

    Answer by MizusT at 11:37 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Not only is this normal, but as a young mom myself and knowing other young moms, this is what usually seems to happen.. Both of my kids are from controlling and abusive relationships.. I have worried everyday and night that they have been in my life that I wasnt going to be good enough or that I had already not been.. My kiddos are happy, healthy, provided for and have a life that I hope they can be proud of.. You're doing great and one day your daughter will understand what an amazing and strong mom you are for your decisions..
    Jordi_Girl

    Answer by Jordi_Girl at 12:23 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

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