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2 Bumps

I'm 23 and pregnant I have been with the father for five years he wants me to get an abortion and if I don't he wants nothing to do with it.

I have been with this man for five years, we have talked about getting married and having kids. About a month ago I found out that I was pregnant when I told him he said that I should get an abortion. That is not something that I am willing to do. I hoped that we would be able to work it out and for a while it seemed that way. He told his mom he was even talking with me about baby names. But then after about a week of me thinking everything was going to be ok he brought up the idea of an abortion again. After I made it clear that there was no way I would do that he said that he just needed some time to get used to it. He won't talk to me about the baby and can't tell me that he won't leave me when I have it. We have been fighting alot about it and have said some very mean things to each other. Tonight I told him that I was done and wasn't going to wait for him to leave me . Was this the right thing to do? confused/scared

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Asked by scarletann808 at 11:31 PM on Nov. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (41 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • If YOU don't want one, then it's time to tell him goodbye and the next time he hears from you it will be for child support.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:33 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Why would you even WANT to be with this person anymore? Of course you did the right thing. Not only is he showing his true colours as a partner he is also showing his true colours as a PERSON and potential PARENT. Good riddance.

    Answer by MizusT at 11:33 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • my bf was the same way when we found out i was pregnant with our now 15 month old son he didnt want anything to do with the baby until he was born and then he fel in love with him just give it time it will all work out if you need a friend to talk to im here for you

    Answer by yankeegirl87 at 11:36 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Yeah, I think any guy who tries to convince you to have an abortion if you don't want one deserves a fat boot in his arse! It's your body, it's your right. He sucks. There are much better men out there. Eff him! (Sorry, a-hole men just get on my last damn nerve!) I say do not count on him and don't do anything you do not feel completely comfortable with. You are in control, he's not. And remind him what child support costs cuz his sorry self is signed up for that!

    Answer by TwoBrownDogs at 11:36 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • First, being with a guy for 5 years is a waste of time and very demoralizing if he won't make a commitment. Now that he wants you to get an abortion, that is even worse than wasting 5 years on him.
    THIS is why I always recommend that Birth Control is a necessity if you are not married and why I believe that just living with a guy is a mistake. MArriage is essential if you are wanting to have a baby.
    So, now you are single and pregnant. Is this a good thing? NO>

    Good luck and please learn something from this.

    Answer by kerp1960 at 11:39 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • So far you did the right thing. The question now is will you continue. I hope you leave him alone for the sake of your baby. Your child and you do not need anymore stress and he seems like he'll keep pushing. Stay strong if not for you , then for your beautiful baby.

    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 11:40 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I would tell him, plain and simple, that you will be having his baby and if he wants to be with you, great. If not, fine. Do not abort your baby because he wants you to. I commend you for staying strong so far and not giving in to him. I wish you the best of luck, hon!

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 11:42 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I think you are right. If you don't want an abortion and he doesn't want to be with you because of it, it's time to move on. It will be hard to have a baby with him and know he wont be part of your lives, but people do it all the time, so it's possible
    However, I also want to say that 7 years ago, when I found out I was pregnant at 21, my husband (then boyfriend) was so lost and confused. He wanted me to get an abortion and when I refused, he didn't talk to me for like 2 weeks. We lived together during that time and it was horrible. After about a month he started to become comfortable with the idea and then began to brag about it. Here we are, 7 years later, married with 2 kids and planning our third.
    Now, I didn't say that to make you feel badly or to give you false hope. I'm just saying sometimes it takes more time for men to feel ok with the idea. It is really scary.

    Answer by CJM_SHM at 11:44 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • That is your baby. It's the mother's decision whether or not she wants to have an abortion. I do not support abortion but everybody has their free agency. Why would you want to be with a man who doesn't want anything to do with an unborn child? Does your family know and are they supportive? Regardless of whether he is scared or not he needs to grow up and be a man and realize it takes two to tango.

    Answer by MadHatter09 at 11:45 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • no matter what happens, just try and be as civil with him as possible because comming from someones who knows, its no fun not having a father in your life.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:52 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

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