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6 Bumps

"stepmother" and Christmas drama - ALREADY !

So I have a 6 year old daughter, and this is her first christmas with her dad... it is a long story but basically we did not know he was the father ( or I guess I didnt want to believe it ) until she was a few years old, but her and I were living in another state so phone calls were pretty much it... and for christmas he would always just send extra money and sometimes a doll or a necklace or something...

Well my job moved us back here again and he wants to spend Christmas with her.. He is now married and has another little girl ( i think around 2 ) .. It didnt start off the best because of course we argued because I want MY daughter to spend Christmas with me... So his wife said they can just have their christmas on the 27th ... that way she can wake up there to open presents and stuff ...

It bugs me alot that she is trying to make decisions like this... she has no part in MY childs life... I let it slide because I wasnt going to make a scene of that.... but then she tried to add me on facebook... and now she has called me up to ask what sorts of things i am getting my daughter because she is going shopping this week and wants to start buying gifts for MY daughter.. I think that is so rude - to ask ME what I am buying MY child !?!

Plus the fact is... I dont want my daughter thinking christmas is just about the presents ... she has made it very clear that she plans on buying a ton of things ( she said she is planning on buying her daughter alot of things and she wants them to have an even amount of gifts) ....

So not only is my daughter going to have to have a fake christmas with these people she has only known for a couple of months, but she is going to have to pretend to have a sister and "family" with them - is it just me but is this nut trying to hard to make something happen that isnt going to !!!???

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:04 AM on Nov. 22, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Answers (44)
  • I think the step mother is going out of her way to make a nice holiday for your child. I would be grateful to her.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 12:07 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I think she's being kind. Just be glad that she's thinking of your daughter!
    Simplicity3

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 12:09 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Wow, that's a bit tense. She does have a sister and they are a family. Don't cheat her out of that. Calm down and be nice or she'll feel your tension and think you are mad at her. She's a little girl. You can still teach her your values about material things but let her have a great childhood. Do you know how many step moms don't like their stepkids? Embrace this, don't fight it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I'm sorry. It sounds like she is TRYING. They offered to switch Christmas for YOUR daughter. She doesn't want to get the same things you got her and is being nice enough to ask about it. No, she isn't the mother, but it sounds like since you guys are closer now that she WILL have a part in this girl's life if her father wants to see his child more. Technically the other girl IS your daughter's half-sister. And yes, they are strangers now but it sounds like the SM is trying to do the "right" thing.

    Maybe it is a bit too much too soon, but think how it is on her end. Suddenly a new child is coming into her life to take time from her and her daughter as DH spends more time with YOURS.

    Give the lady a break .
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:10 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I think the SM is being considerate, actually. She wanted to know what your dd likes and wanted to make sure she didn't get her the same things and that she didn't feel like the other child was treated as a favorite. As a mother who deals with deadbeats, I think its great that they are making an effort to include your daughter and change their celebration time to include her. My advice is to let it go and let your daughter enjoy her dad. Don't make it a stressful time for her.
    sweet29mom

    Answer by sweet29mom at 12:12 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • i agree with the above ladies. i think u, ur daughters father and stepmom should sit down and talk about what it is that u all need to do for the two girls. ur daughter has a half sister and its important that the two girls know each other.
    knagsmom

    Answer by knagsmom at 12:12 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I think you are over reacting. You should be greatful that this woman is opening her arms to your daughter, she wants to buy her as many presents as her own child, and like you said she barely knows her, even willing to move her family's christmas up 2 days just to try and make things work well for you. Come on lady, be greatful you even know who your child's father was for years and you are very lucky that it ended up being someone who wants to spend time with your child and make her a part of thier famiy...Quit thinking into it so much and be greatful.
    BlainesMommy09

    Answer by BlainesMommy09 at 12:13 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I think you should be grateful that the stepmom wants to treat your daughter so good. I feel like you are really lucky, and just try being nice. Things will probably work out just fine and its better to have a good relationship with the ex and stepmom.
    AshleyLynnW

    Answer by AshleyLynnW at 12:14 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Try to separate your feelings for your daughter's sake. It sounds like the stepmother wants to work with you to make this easier on your daughter. You're so lucky that's the case. She could have fought and said "look we've never had her for Christmas, we want her on Christmas Day this year", and guess what, any court will give them every holiday every other year. She compromised for you. She asked what you are getting so that she doesn't accidenlty get her the same things so that you can coordinate. She's trying to make things even with her daughter, and a lot of stepmother's don't do that.....what a wonderful effort she's making.

    You can make this easier on your daughter by accepting her kindness with graciousness, and trying to put your daughter first. Good Luck, I do know this is hard for you, my oldest son is mine from a previous marriage, so I've been in your place.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:14 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I agree with past posters. She is trying to do the right thing.  Maybe you should give her a chance. 

    luvmygrlz

    Answer by luvmygrlz at 12:17 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

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