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Can you be a good mother if you are selfish?

Ok when i got pregnant i freaked a little because i had never wanted kids but, i was totally in love with dh (still am) and i thought about it a lot and decieded that i could be a good mom so i had the baby (dd now 4) and part of me now feels like i made a mistake...not that i don't love my daughter i do...I just don't think I am a good mom. I don't play with her in fact i don't like playing with her, most of the time i just want her to leave me alone so i can do something else. I know how terrible this is and i WANT to do better, I just don't know HOW everyone says "you just get over your selfish tendencies and be better" but, I still don't know HOW to do it...I love my daughter and i want to be a good mom...how can i do it?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:57 AM on Nov. 22, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • Tthere are a lot of missing factors in your situation to answer. Like your age, your living situation, etc. But, one thing is for certain and that is you are a mother now to a 4 yr. old. That child needs you no matter if you think you need her right now. You have a responsibility to your child- a duty, which I'm sure you already know. It sounds like you have the desire to do right by your child and that is a start. Not only that, but it is your power- your desire to be a good parent. I have 3 kids, which I love dearly. I'm a SAHM and homeschool all 3. I will admit that I too have not felt like playing and just want to be left alone at times. I think that's natural. Sometimes we need a break. I find that if I can take a break for just a 1/2 hour, I come back refreshed, missing my kids and looking at them in a differnet perspective than I was before I took my break. Maybe you just need a little time away every so often.
    Angizzle3

    Answer by Angizzle3 at 2:17 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Well i am 25 and a SAHM (i used to work but, daycare just got too expensive and DH made more money than i did so we decieded i would stay home) The problem is that i get a break every day for 2 hours while she is at school and it doesn't help....I start out everyday telling myself "today will be different, it will be better I will be better, I will play with her and I will follow through on disiplince" (because she is spoiled and treats me and her dad like she runs the house.) And for the first couple hours i do pretty good but then i get really bored and sick of playing little kid games and she WILL not play by herself and then she gets mad and throws the BIGGEST fits ever and i get even more frustrated and i feel like i am at my wits end...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:28 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I agree with Angizzle. She needs you to be there.
    Leah_self

    Answer by Leah_self at 2:29 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Well when she starts with hr fits put her in time-out for 4 mins. Put a chair in the corner and make her face the wall. If she keeps getting up and no doing what you told her to do then put her back in the chair and start her time all over. And as far as you not wanting to play with her all day then a couple times a week make play dates take herto th park let her color at the kitchen table while your cooking or on your laptop (if you hve one). Give her fun task to do like draw you a picture or play dress up with her, be creative.
    Leah_self

    Answer by Leah_self at 2:37 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • IDK, I am 25 with soon to be 5 kids, a SAHM, and I am PTA, volunteer at both of thier schools, and I volunteer with my husbnds unit ( army) and I love what I d , so age has NOTHING to do with it! I mean some people were meant to oarent and others simply have to learn! Good luck! I hope that you canfigure out your delemma!
    JoLee12345

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 6:37 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • This is just as simple as this. This is your daughter, days are ticking off that you will never ever get back. The only one who can force you to grow up is you. She needs you, didn't ask to be here and ignored on top of it. Time to suck it up and do what needs doing. There are no "directions" for us to give you on HOW to be a good mom. It is just something you DO. She is first now, not you. Pay attention to her, read a book, play a game etc. This is not her fault and she is the one paying the price. Who is going to teach her to be a loving mother to her own kids?
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:35 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

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