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2 Bumps

Not sure how to feel..... adult content

I have twin boys that are 3. when they were 6 mo i left their father for cheating and not being helpfull.... at 1 year i had thought things would change he swore up and down everything would be different so i went back ( i'm talking cross country travels with infants) I gave it another year and a half and things were horrible he was unemployed had his own room very disconnected, abusive emotionally and eventually physically too. so I moved again with the boys we have been here since June and have all adjusted fairly well. My move here with the kids is a permanent one that cost alot he was not interested in making the change. Well the holidays are almost here and the boys grandparents want to see their grandkids, Jack their father wants to see them. I have a family member and a few freinds i would love to catch up with. beside S.Cali in december I really dont want to give it up, especially being from NY. I'm scheduled to fly out for 3 weeks. so Jack just informed me he wants his girlfreind around! among alot of other mean belittling things he said. I guess what hurts the most is that 9 yrs he waisted my life and now he swears he's in love within3 mo. ridiculess. painfull. i gave him hell and he said he wouldnt have her around me mostly because id prob blow his whole relationship. And also that his cursing is unacceptable that we would leave if/when it starts. I'm just hurt i guess, not sure if i should go at all ( although the tickets have been bought)... and helpfull ideas how to cope or what i should do would be really helpfull... thank you for taking the time to read all this. feels better just getting it all out

 
miritrose

Asked by miritrose at 9:11 AM on Nov. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,463 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I would call and talk to his parents. Tell them you would love to see them and have them spend time with the boys but you don't think you could handle the girl friend. Ask if there is a day and time that would work for them. See if they will control their son. Otherwise do your best to be the bigger person and if it is a complete disaster, tell his parents, that they are more then welcome to visit you in NY. When you are asked to come visit, simply say that it isn't worth the drama, but make it clear they are welcome to visit you. Most likely you won't see anyone and not have this issue again. But make the effort this year, so you can say you tried, and who knows maybe it will be a fabulous time.
    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 9:19 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Well regardless of the new girlfriend I do think the boys at least deserve to see their father for Christmas, BUT it seems to me that you have done enough and he should be helping with this arrangement, whether it be financially or even coming to you! If he doesn't want to leave his girlfriend of 3 months to see his own children then sounds like he has some serious issues!
    Ctink8189

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 9:15 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • If you have any doubts about going out there, and leaving your kids..I wouldnt. Yes, he's their father..and has a right to be with them for the Holidays..but so do you. Maybe you can tell him that you decided to keep them this year...and next year he can have them for the Holidays. Maybe things will be better between the two of you next year..and the boys will be another year older. He can also come to see them where you are, if he wants to see them that bad. As far as how to deal, if he was abusive..dont go back. You made a good decision in leaving him. A relationship like that is not good for you, or your kids. They pick up EVERYTHING! Good luck!
    LoveMyKids0203

    Answer by LoveMyKids0203 at 9:16 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • IMO, they should be the ones flying to see you and your children. They should be doing to the work to have a relationship with the children. I don't understand why you feel it's up to you for that to happen.. JMO.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 9:17 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Go for the sake of your kids, and do it with your chin very high!
    older

    Answer by older at 9:13 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I would go with knowledge that your children are your concern look at her and know its only because she does not know the true him yet and when she figures it out she will you will be the bigger person because you put your kids first hard you bet but remember who you are and how much better your life has gotten keep visions of that in your head and try to have a good time with you kids as well.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:40 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I would tell the grandparents that you have decided to stay home this time with the boys, but they are welcome to come to see them. I would also let the dad know that he was not welcome, I would actually put a POA order on his dumb a$$, he has not right to talk to you in any other way, then with respect. Those boys don't need to see their father and learn that type of behavior. There is bigger and getter men out there that will be a better roll motel for those boys, I say go find one of them.
    hodgkinrus6

    Answer by hodgkinrus6 at 9:48 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • If you think the children are not safe, then don't leave them or have them stay with grandparents or someone you TRUST to ensure they are safe.

    However, it seems from your question that most of your issue is with him having a new girlfriend. Everything you say he said sounds right. He should remove himself and a new girlfriend from any situation where there would be fighting or cussing. You left him and he has the right to move on and find love. Whatever the circumstances it is not fair for you to resent or be mean to him or the new girl out of jealousy. You KNOW you left him for good reason and you wouldn't want to be with him again. So be happy for him that he is getting his life together. Not for him... but bc you want your kids to have a good dad that has his life together.

    You chose to stay for 9yrs. Kick yourself for that one too. (I spent 6yrs with the wrong guy too, praying he could just love me)
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 9:52 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • he should have made effort to see the kids
    you going to him so he can, sounds like your old habits returning
    SO WHTA if the weather is nice there=stupid reason
    he was abusive to yu and even went as far as to make the abuse physical
    and you are flying across the country so he can have some time with the kids
    sorry, i think this is just setting a bad examle for yourself, part of you just took a step back-who cares if he has a girlfreind, this should not bother you in the least-but it does, so i am thinking that part of all this is about you and your feeling for this man
    you need to get over him 100%, and i do not think you are, nice weather and new girlfriend should have to part of the equation of a father seeinghis kids, because these things came up- i think mom needs to rethink this holiday trip
    jmo
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 10:16 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

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