Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Would you change your name?

Not really a relationship question per say, but sort of.

I'm seriously considering changing my last name. I ignorantly (and under emotional abuse) gave my daughter her father's last name. He has since dropped off the face of the earth in concerns to seeing my daughter but refuses to sign paperwork so that i can give her my last name.

ive never been a fan of my last name, his last name is Davis. Extremely common, and my last name already starts with D so i would have the same initals. I feel miserable everytime i have to see or sign something that reflects the difference in her name and my name. not because she has his name, but because our names arn't the same. i feel like a fraud and like i have to defend the fact that she's my daughter.

so since i can't change her last name, why not change mine?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:09 PM on Nov. 4, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Changing your last name is a pain in the butt, but doable. It will make a lot of things easier if you match. All it takes is some legal forms you can do yourself and a short court appearance. Oh, and there's a fee, of course!

    Pnukey

    Answer by Pnukey at 9:39 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • yea I guess why not change yours. When my DH and I had our 1st baby we werent married and of course I gave her his last name which is way better than mine, but thats what we always planned. I always hated not having thier last name, drove me nuts at her appointments and what not. When we got married I was so jazzed to change my name. mostly because i would share it with my daughter and future children. But if its that painful to you to even write the name then maybe you shouldnt. Keep trying to have him sign the papers.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:15 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • Anon 7:15, thanks for your input, i feel a little better knowing i'm not the only one pained by different last names. Her/His name doesnt bother me in the least. I love her name, and i actually think it flows nicer with his last name then with mine, it's the fact that she's seperate from me that kills me.

    I've tried over and over to get him to sign those papers. He just won't do it and curses me out if he thinks i'm even thinking it, and threatens to take me to court to get custody of our daughter. He'd never win custody against me, and he really doesnt want to keep our daughter. He has scheduled visitation but shows up for NONE of them. but thats just how he is. Emotionally abusive and her name is something he believes he can use to hurt me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:24 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • If you get married you can change your name to your husbands name.And when you daughter gets married she can to
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:25 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • It's ironic that you ask this question because my older two children (both form the same father) has pretty much done the same thing. There was a time when I wanted to change my ds's first name (as he is named after his BF), but then I realized that my son is my son and not his father.
    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 7:26 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • i gave my maiden name to my son and wished i had given him his fathers name. after all he really is his father even if he isn't that good of one. that would be the one thing he could of done.i think they should take their fathers name since they are that.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 7:58 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • Louise2
    She wants the same last name as her daughter not just any name of some man she marrys!! lol she said she wanted to share a last name with her daughter not get married!! She cant change the daughters because the father is gone and she wants to change her last name to the same as her daughters!!
    scaredmommy08

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 8:04 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • I'd go for it. If I could I'd change my first name. My first name is Marlye and I HATE it!!! I love the name Mandy and want that as my name.
    MarlyeGirl

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 8:51 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • There are 4 in my family and we all have a different last name! My son has his fathers last name, and my fiance's daughter has her mothers last name. It is irritating but not a huge deal. I'm not sure your daughters father has to agree to change her last name. I would talk to the court if you havent already. My sons father was abusive to me and I couldn't imagine having his last name! That seems like it would almost be honoring him and I don't know why you would want to do that. You may also have people assuming you married him, if they knew you were together and havent seen you in a long time. My son has his fathers full name, he is the third and it pisses me off!
    TanyaR1024

    Answer by TanyaR1024 at 9:18 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • TaynaR1024 - I understand what you mean about being his last name, but honestly, Davis is such a common name, and i dont even think of it as "his" name. I think of it as HER name. And we've been seperated since before she was born. When we were setting up visitation i did have my lawyer look into it, but to change her name in my state and with him on the birth certificate i need his consent. I have tried every comprimise under the sun in mediation. I tried logic. I tried pleading with him. He just will not budge.

    I'm not trying to honor him. But i am trying to fix what i screwed up in the first place. I can't get over that seperation between me and my daughter.

    And as to marriage....well i'm not even dating anyone, marriage is a long way off, if at all. Even if i do get married one day (kinda doubt it) i'll be trying to convince the guy to switch to my last name instead of the other way around!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN