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did anyone feel guilty...

...for having days (or weeks) when you didn't feel like you wanted to be pregnant, or weren't ready due to not yet fulfilling whatever goals were on your agenda, or not wanting to hear the many people tell you how lucky you are to be expecting when so many women can't. Did anyone feel guilty for still wanting to be a little selfish in life when it's already to late b/c you've already created a being that will need you every minute of every day for the next (at least) 20 years?

 
Mamma2E

Asked by Mamma2E at 11:02 AM on Nov. 22, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 15 (1,986 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I like Don Dinkmeyer's position on guilt (from Systematic Training for Effective Parenting, a book I don't recommend, but has some good ideas):

    Guilt is the expression of socially-expected intentions that we do not actually hold. The tension of knowing (or believing) we are expected to agree to some noble intention and not actually having that intention at all is felt (and expressed) as 'guilt.' His example is 'spending more time with the children.'

    It is socially expected that mothers want to spend time with their kids, but when they find they do not in fact want to be anywhere near them, they experience discomfort... so instead of just spending more time with them ('cause they don't wanna), they say 'I feel so guilty because...'

    You're supposed to Love Being Pregnant, and when you don't you feel a divide within. Accept that it's normal to dislike pain and discomfort, no matter why it is happening and the guilt goes away.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 11:48 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I've had depressing moments. I was in shock and denial for a bit with one of the girls.
    The only way I overcame that was to be more involved in my future instead of mourning over my past.
    I found someone I could talk to about it, and that child is now one of my biggest blessings.
    6girlsrock

    Answer by 6girlsrock at 11:28 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I never had them.There were times when I was so sick I just wanted the sickness to go away.But never the want not to be pregnant.
    aliceinlove

    Answer by aliceinlove at 11:17 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Totally. I got really sick with both my kids and boy did I not want to be pregnant then. ESPECIALLY since I planned on neither. It's not really something you get over I don't think.
    I've now moved onto, guilty because some days I just want to go back to life without kids agian or that some moments I really feel like I don't love my kids (but that at least I know is mental illness talking at me).
    JadeRDragosani

    Answer by JadeRDragosani at 6:02 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Thank you ladies so much for your honest answers. I really really appreciate it. You may think u were just answering a general question, but your responses have helped me.
    Mamma2E

    Comment by Mamma2E (original poster) at 1:27 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • No. I had days when I wanted to be done with the pregnancy, and moments when I worried about how life would change, but I never felt unready and I did feel lucky every day, since I know a lot of women that struggle to get pregnant and carry to term. Occasionally I want to just do something for myself, and I can't because I have the baby, but I am never going to regret my decision to have a child. I would much rather have him than anything else.
    CarriePM

    Answer by CarriePM at 11:09 PM on Nov. 30, 2010