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4 Bumps

Help... My "ADULT" teenage daughter is driving me crazy! adult content

I don't know how to control my adult teenage mother's actions. She is going to drive me to an asylum. Her behavior is out of control. She lives in my home with her baby. Abuses my family and her child mentally and emotionally. She won't do want is asked or expected out of her. I want her out of my home. But I can't do it. She refuses to leave, to stand on her own two feet. She refuses to follow by any sort of rules or requets. My whole family has fallin to peices. My husband is so depressed that he up and quit his job. Yet, we are still suppose to take care of her and provide a car, insurance, food, home,babysitter services, ect. She works and gives us nothing towards expensives. I am living off savings and still have tow younger children in my home. What can I do.. Please any suggestions will do. I have tried till I think I am going to loose my sanity along with my home and everything we have built for the past 24 years of marriage.

 
Brenda71464

Asked by Brenda71464 at 12:04 PM on Nov. 22, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • I think sometimes we can help too much, enabling our kids or others to act the way they are acting. Pack up her stuff and change the locks. Sounds brutal but tell her she needs to find a place to live in X amount of days. If it hasn't happened by that date, you will pack her things and take them out of the house and change the locks. Sometimes they need a push. It doesn't make you a bad mom it makes you a better one to know whats best for your daughter. Tell her point blank there are rules in MY home if you dont live by them GO MAKE YOUR OWN HOME, with your own rules but that you do not need to let her live there under ANY circumstances. She chose to have sex, get pregnant and have a child. Now she has to act like an adult and take responsibility for her actions. I saw a book the other day called "setting boundaries for your adult children" maybe u could look it up. take your life back! and your control XOXO
    strawberryLVR

    Answer by strawberryLVR at 8:52 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • OK, I am going to come off sounding very tough so be prepared. You need to tell your daughter to move out of your home. She is an adult and responsible for herself and her child. You are not responsible for any longer since she is an adult. You will always love her but the fact that she is so disrespectful is that she has grown resentful of you and expects you to do things for her. Your marriage always must come first, before your child. I've been in this situation before. You have a husband and younger children to think about, not to mention your own physical and mental health. If you continue allowing this you may end up losing your marriage. Please think about this. You are enabling your daughter to act this way. She must go.
    twinkletoes0408

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 1:00 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • If she is abusive toward you, your children, and her child, report her to DHS. She obviously should not be taking care of her own child, if she cannot take care of herself. GL!
    BisketLiss

    Answer by BisketLiss at 12:05 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • If she's of age,get an eviction notice and put her out
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 12:16 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Its called tough love. She needs to know what it is like to run a household on her own then she may have more respect for you and your family as well as her daughter. I know it is hard thing to do but I am a firm believer that it is very effective.
    maybe you could even do a little of the leg work find a place for her (not saying pay for it) pack up some of her things for her and give her a deadline of when she has to be out.
    CarlieJS

    Answer by CarlieJS at 2:25 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • How old is she? 14? 19? Makes a big difference on how you approach it.

    Talk to her "mother to mother" and draw up an agreement on how she is going to contribute to your household. Divide bills, charge rent, pay for a portion of groceries, watch your two younger kids, clean up the common area, etc. Draw up and agreement. If she refuses to sign, let her know that she has one week to get her stuff and clear out of your house. Let her know you'll be there to support her, just as she's been there to support you :)

    Tough situation you're in!
    GoodyBrook

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 12:10 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • she needs to go...if you want, you can even give her the option of leaving her child with you if you are very concerned about the baby being left with her AND can truly handle the responsibility. you're ENABLING her to continue to act this way, even if you dont mean to. she's an adult and its time she realized how tough the real world is...maybe she will eventually realize how good she had it while living with you.
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 2:26 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • report her! Ik now for some people its hard to report own family members cause its is "blood" and so one but if they do wrong they do wrong and you need to do it, for her adn for yourself and especially for the little baby and your other kids. Adn why does she expect you to provide a car for her? And paying insurance and babysitters? She has a job and can pay thoese things herself, if she cant affort it she cant have it.
    LittleBirdFly

    Answer by LittleBirdFly at 2:29 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Your daughter is an adult! Hold her accountable for her actions. YOU DON'T OWE HER ANYTHING! She's got a child that she's being mentally abusive towards - TURN HER IN! Be willing to take your grandchild in, but get your daughter out of your house. She is toxic to your family and you have other children to worry about. If necessary, go to court, get a legal eviction notice, and get her OUT !!!
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 2:36 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • OMG mama! You let her walk all over your family! I know you feel bad & want the best for her, but what about YOU??? I would tell her to apply for Section 8 housing & to save all her $$$$ NOW. You want her out within a certain time & that is all there is to it. You need to be TOUGH for your own sake. You have to do this!
    NicolesMommy

    Answer by NicolesMommy at 3:43 PM on Nov. 22, 2010