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This is sick to me..

My dd's mil has her Ba degree in Nursing,she's a RN for a drug and rehab center and works more with Kids.She has a dd and sonilaw that are both pushing their 30's.They also have 2 small children.She has become a very dear friend and is my dd's mil like I said so this also makes my dd sick.Anyway they both ask for money all the time,go over there and get their food,movies anything they want without asking and just take it.They r always moving from one place to another while her parents pay for deposites,food gas their ciggs etc.. And use their money for just blowing.If the Mom takes the daughterinlaw out for dinner and she finds out she calls her mom and cusses her out.When she buys one GD something she had better by her dd something and heaven forbid it had better be the same style or color don't matter what it is.I cannot believe she does all this a very sweet women who has worked very hard to get where she's at.I will just say,she takes care of her GKids for free and is expected to when they just drop them off,pays all her grown kids auto ins.still.Oh the sick list goes on with what they do for them or should I say expected to do.she does get very tired of it to but cannot say no and acts almost afraid of her.Everything my dd and her brotherMy sil get for their dd her neice even if she has to get Mama and daddy to pay for it,she makes sure her dd gets whatever it is she gets one too.What my deal is and its not any of my buisness but I'm getting to where I can't stand being with her or there when her dd come around cause I'm afraid I will say something and its not my place.You would think being a nurse, trained with kids she would stand up to her.She is having alott of ailments here lately she has 2 sons and makes sure if she buys one kids say anything she is made to feel and does buy for all of them.My thing about all this is she does complain to us about her dd but will not say No!I just can't stand seeing her treated like a bank,slave to her and she is her Mom and cusses her if she don't.Should I say something that would help her? I really doudt it.I'd love to get ahold of the dd...grrrrr My question and I know. Its her kids but when they want ur blood too and parents take to me that kind of abuse what's really wrong with the parents?they have always and still enabling them in their 30's now.They r rude self absorbed ppl.Makes me wander does she really love them b/c they r sickning to me and no one likes them.Can't she and her husband same way with the kids see what they have created.I just really care for her and hate this for them.I'm sorry soo long.

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:11 PM on Nov. 22, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (6)
  • Many nurses go into the field because of codependency issues. She is an enabler and needs to come to this decision on her own. You can't save her.

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 1:02 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I doubt anything you said to her would really help. Its sad Im sure she feels bad about it oo but for some reason she feels needed by them and helps. She wont stop unless she gets sick of it and says no more.

    Answer by okmommy08 at 1:15 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I don't see it as sick even though I would never do the thingss she does and I also don't see why it's any concern of anyone elses what she chooses to do. From your other questions you do things that I wouldn't do as well and allow your adult child to treat you in a manner I would never put up with but it's not my business to judge.

    Answer by tracylynnr67 at 6:37 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • she is an enabler sorry

    Answer by mmtosam06 at 6:06 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Co-dependency is one reason a person would keep letting themselves be used - a big reason! I'd bet this woman does not have much self-confidence either along with the fear that the kids won't love her if she puts her foot down and says "No more!" It's not easy to take control of people who you have allowed to use you, but it can be done. It's a shame that they use her so badly, but she's the only one who can stop it. Counseling would help as would self-assertion training. If you let yourself get too involved it's bound to affect your life in a negative or with anger that you can't use to help her. You will only hurt yourself. Good luck. This is how my mother-in-law is treated by one son and a daughter. And, she keeps going back for more. Yet, she refuses help. God bless you and your friend.

    Answer by bleuidgramma at 1:57 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • 'Many nurses go into the field because of codependency issues"

    Ummm, What?

    Answer by Quentinsmamma at 3:53 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

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