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3 Bumps

Am I jealous? Why does it bother me? Please don't be harsh. I just want to understand my feelings and am looking for outside input. adult content

I got with my husband with the understanding that I wanted 6 kids. Now after 4 he says no more. He thinks the world will end as we know it in 2012 and doesn't want small children to be victimized. OTHER SIDE: His ex has 2 kids with him that she won't allow us to see. We have a court order, but she won't follow it and we have to take her back to court AGAIN to force visitation. Now, she got with a guy, he beat her and went to jail when she was prego, got out and they are still together. When her baby was 4 mo old she got prego, miscarried, then got prego 2 weeks later. They are actually TRYING to have a baby so soon. She is constantly on welfare cash assistance, so the child support we pay goes to the state. When she isn't on cash assistance (like when he gets a job) she collects childcare payments for watching his daughter from a previous relationship. My problem: Why am I being kept from completing the big family I've always wanted and my DH was previously on track with? We have the means to support our kids, and I am a stay at home mom and take very good care of them. Why does a girl so screwed up get to keep popping out kids she can't support? Should i be so hurt that my DH doesn't want to go through with the big family? Do I just have to sit back and watch others have babies and deal with it? My DH said if I wanted another baby I should go find someone else to get me pregnant so the blood is not on his hands. WTF? That is crazy!!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:32 PM on Nov. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • You don't sound jealous. You sound a bit selfish to me. Marriage is about compromise. You are making it all about you, even his ex's relationship!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:35 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Okay.. at the beginning I was thinking..maybe he really IS paranoid about the end of the world thing, but with the last little statement about you finding someone else to get your pregnant is just rude & hateful!

    I wouldn't really say you are jealous.. you are just a great mother who has enough love to share with more children & you have a husband that is stopping you from doing so.

    I see it all the time.. there are stable, hardworking, loving couples who try and try and try to have a baby and for some reason cannot.. then there are freaking meth heads and alcoholics who have babies!! It aggravates the heck outta me!
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 2:36 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Hes clearly stressed out and it seems like your putting more stress on him right now. You should drop the topic for now and wait till the other one settles before deciding about having more kids. 6 kids is a lot to raise and a lot of stress for a guy. Even the best of fathers don't normally want as many kids as a great mom might.
    Iamasinglemom99

    Answer by Iamasinglemom99 at 2:37 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • im sorryThat's sad. It's sad to see people who are good mother not able have children. I hope your husband changes his mind. My mother wanted more children to then my father went and got a hysterectomy. Hang in there.
    Jenaiko01

    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 2:38 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • You have 4 kids. maybe you should take some time and try to see his side of why he doesnt want more. Not that i agree that the world will end, but if he is serious about being scared of it, then just try and wait till that time when he is proved wrong...then bring up kids again
    chanelsparkels

    Answer by chanelsparkels at 2:38 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • while i dont think you're jealous, i think you're being a tad unfair. 6 kids in the beginning may have been an agreement but sometimes agreements change. kids is one issue that both spouses MUST agree or compromise on. he has given you four, and if he doesn't want anymore then it's not fair to push the subject. maybe after the whole 2012 thing is over, you can bring it up again. he might just be really paranoid, believe that we'll all be dead in 2012 and not want to bring any children in a world who will only have a lifespan of less than two years. if i truly believed in 2012 i would think he's being pretty noble for that. of course i don't though which is why i say bring it up when we wake up december 11th, 2012. if he still says no, then the answer is no =(
    as for his ex, she sounds like a nut. stay away from her and dont' let her madness get to you.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 2:41 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I think he is just concerned and feeling alot of weight on his shoulders between the family he has now and what is going on with his ex's kids sounds like you both need to sit down and really listen to each others concerns. My guess is he doesn't doubt your mothering skills or being able to handle just sounds like he has alot on his plate right now or he wants to get the two kids with his ex sorted out before you two start on any more .
    Raindew

    Answer by Raindew at 2:41 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • i would focus on going back to court and dealing with the psyco mom, he prob just doesnt want to focus on having more kids when he is still trying to see 2 that he already has. let it be for a while.
    momslikeme366

    Answer by momslikeme366 at 2:41 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • As life changes, people change their minds about things. 4 kids is still a pretty big family, and it's not like either of you are talking about making a permanent decision about your fertility from what you say. Just let it go for now, let him get him family situation sorted out with his ex and let him see that the world does not end in 2012 and then get started on a late 2013 baby.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 2:54 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Well you have to do a compromise. 4 kids are a lot and you happy to have them. But I dont understand your husbands reason for not having more, because he things teh world is gonna end in 2012? Thats it and he doesnt wann ahave the blood on his hands? That doesnt make scene. Why would it matter how old you are once the world ends? How old are you 4 other kids? So it doesnt matter for him anymore? Maybe he should read the bible, that would help him.
    I dont think its right either for people who are actually on wellfare to trying to get pregnant knowing there situations is not gonna change and bringing another life into this world knowing its gonna be another well fare case for at lease maybe 18 years.
    But if yoru husband is so driven with the idea of 2012 that maybe talk to him and make a deal, if you still here after 2012 have then you babaies.
    LittleBirdFly

    Answer by LittleBirdFly at 3:13 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

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