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5 Bumps

How do we handle inappropriate texting and IMing?

My soon-to-be 14 year old daughter is in a relationship with her best guy friend and has been for over a year. We know they make-out, but they don't get too many opportunities to be alone-alone. However, recently I checked her text messages and saw that they were "sexting" one evening, talking about the various acts of love-making (my d. said she thought one needed to be at least 15 before having sex!!), and we've caught her discussing sex with other boys via text and internet--she seems to get off on it! What should we do about it? She knows we look at her phone & FB page, but hates it. My hubby says its for attention, she's a brilliant but terribly bored only-child, she does sports 2-3 a week, too.

 
cladja1

Asked by cladja1 at 5:42 PM on Nov. 22, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 3 (15 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • First, I agree with everyone who said to take away her phone and internet. Discuss with her why she's losing these privileges and how inappropriate her conversations are for her age.

    Second, have you considered that she's getting too much attention from you since she's an only child? Are you too "hovering" over everything she does and everywhere she goes? Perhaps you need to get her involved in an activity where she can connect with other girls her age without parents hanging around.

    I have 2 daughters just a bit older than yours and I know how difficult it is. There are so many parents out there allowing their kids to do whatever they want, it makes it hard on us who are trying to parent in a responsible way, the best way for our kids' future. Good luck!
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 1:35 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • I've talked to enough people to know that what your daughter is doing is gonna lead to something more and you have to put a stop to it now and I wouldn't let her go anywhere without adult supervision. As a mother I would strongly suggest sitting her down and discussing this issue with her she is way to young to be making adult decisions especially something mature adults make every day. Boys are a big hassle for one and most of the time all they care about is one thing,ask her what does this boy know about her personally does he love her enough to wait till she is old enough to make these decisons,will he be there for her say when she's 16 and then they can go on BIG group dates? I will not allow my daughter to date till she's 16 she has had several talks from not only me but school counselors. I'm also going to suggest family counseling so your daughter will respect what you say.
    MarGeee

    Answer by MarGeee at 6:32 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • First off she shouldn't have had a phone to start with.. Second, take the phone away. There solved your problem.. Btw, I'm a Mom of a 14 yr old boy with NO cell phone.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 5:48 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I would have a serious talk with her first. Second, she would lose her texting privileges until she shows more responsibility. I would also close her FB page if she can not behave appropriately, and by your house rules. If the behavior continues take her to a professional for some counseling or you are going to have a grandchild on your hands. If you think she is bored, get her involved in more activities, keep her busy. Good luck!
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 5:52 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • to be perfectly honest, if you freak out about it you're ONLY going to make he better at hiding things from you....this should have been done years ago, but if you havent talked to her about sex and relationships then do it now. explain birth control methods and help her pick one. explain safe sex and give her condoms. show her pictures of stds to help her understand what can happen. answer any questions she has truthfully without panic, fear, or judgement....maybe get a trusted family member that is slightly older in age to talk to her if you dont think you can be neutral about it.
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 5:54 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Tell her that colleges and employers check FB and other social sites to see what people post on line before they get accepted to schools or hired for jobs. Also, tell her the sexting is a crime and can land her in a lot of trouble, up to and including being a life long registered sex offender.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:36 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Obvi taking her phone away wont STOP the romance but Id take it away for the sure fact that its inappropriate. Have a talk with her and find out what her intentions are and go from there. She is not doing anything out of the ordinary IMO but def something that is not always the best choice.ITs time to talk about disease, pregnancy and protection. Again if you have already. Its def not something you want to condone but something that she needs to be educated about in case she takes this further. And who knows if she hasnt already. Im not trying to scare you but Im sure youd rather find out that shes having protected sex than to find out that shes God forbid pregnant or HIV positive. Good luck and best wishes..My dd is 4 and Im dreading that age and time!! :)
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 5:53 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Not sure what you think you can do about it.

    Why would a bid for attention be bad? I'm not getting this as a problem: people need, in order to stay sane and human, connections to other people, and when they don't get it they make attempts with the people around them to do so. It's called 'attention-seeking' and is considered, nearly universally, to be a problem.

    The problem is that attention is considered to be such a fine and valuable commodity that it can't be wasted on children, or that it is in such tremendous short supply that it must be meted out in tiny amounts, or only on special occasions.

    When children have the attention they need, they can get on with what is important in life. When they don't, they're as obsessed with it as someone starving is about food.

    Sexting is safe sex: you can't get pregnant or a disease from it, and it blows off some of that steam harmlessly. Talk to her about sex and what it means.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 5:53 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • i know of a family way over reacted in this type of situation, and it turned out so bad for everyone. the daughter no longer lives with mom and step dad.
    i thought taking the phone away might be a good idea.
    good luck!
    happy2bmom25

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 5:54 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Tell her to respect her self! Then I would take away her privileges for her phone and computer!

    jem102675

    Answer by jem102675 at 5:57 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

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