Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

How would you handle this situation? adult content

My sister is at the end of her rope. Her son is 5, will be 6 in July. He started kindergarten this year. For the last month or so, he's been cursing in school, talking about his private parts, even going as far as to touch other students inappropriately. I don't know the scope of it, but any inappropriate touching is just as bad as any other.

Now, me, being who I am, think that shame is the answer. But everywhere I look, that seems to be not the case. I've been doing some googling.

I talked to him this weekend about talking about his private parts. That it's just not appropriate to talk about it to anyone but his parents, doctors, or a nurse. But my sister called me tonight telling me that he got in trouble for touching some kid's butt. How would you handle this? I've asked her on more than one occasion if there was some possibility of molestation, but I'm more than sure that's not what's going on. We've discussed the idea of a counselor, and she's all about that, but she wants to exhaust other options first.

What would you do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:02 PM on Nov. 22, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (9)
  • Are there consequences for his behavior?? Try taking away privileges- what do his teachers do as a consequence?

    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 7:04 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • She's tried taking away priveleges, the school just sends him home with a note, or they just call her. Schools have no authority anymore. What can they do?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:07 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • My first thought too, if this is a new behavior, is that he picked it up from an older child, perhaps at school. Whether the other child actually touched your nephew or simply spoke/acted inappropriately in front of him, I couldn't say.

    The other thought is that perhaps he is seeking attention, for whatever reason, and having picked up on the fact that people pay attention to him when he grabs, touches, etc. he continues to do it. If it is a case of attention-seeking, then the easiest way to break him of it, is simply to give him attention for other, more positive, behaviors.
    geminilove

    Answer by geminilove at 7:10 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I would have your sister have a conference with the school so that everyone can be on the same page as far as expectations and consequences. The school should be doing SOMETHING, what it is they all may need to agree on. It's hard for a parent to punish a young child for something that happened hours ago. Good luck!!!
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 7:18 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • At your nephew's age, he should NOT be "preoccupied" with sexuality, and if it were me, a BIG RED FLAG would have gone up, that may involve sexual abuse!! I know, no one wants to "go there," but your nephew is either being touched inappropriately or has been overly exposed to graphic/adult content movies and videos--and THAT is wrong!
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 7:26 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Lori- I promise you, he has not been molested or abused. There are more signs than just those type of actions. And he has no other signs.

    Like I said, the same thought occured to me, until I talked to him, he trusts me. I didn't lead him to say anything, just random little questions here and there about the way people treat him. He knows "good touch bad touch" when it comes to himself, but it seems he lacks empathy. Which, I'm sorry, is pretty normal. At least from my experience and research.

    It's very likely that he's been exposed to movies/shows that are more of the adult variety, not saying porn, but look at primetime tv. Seriously.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:50 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • And thank you skittles and gemini for your thoughts. I'll pass these along to my sister. She will be talking to the teacher tomorrow about taking away his recess, and she has taken his toys away until he can act in a more appropriate manner.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:52 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • i would say get him some kind of help like counseling and go as a family cause he learnd that fr someone
    vmr

    Answer by vmr at 11:00 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • It seems as if you have tried everything. I think it is time to get counseling. He could have learned this from any place and I would not just to conclusions. He could have learned it from TV for that matter. I would find out where it is stemming from though. Good luck to you.
    Peajewel

    Answer by Peajewel at 7:31 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.