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How can I help her understand???

How can I help her understand that I am not the "Mean Monster" of a step mom that she thinks I am, I have tried to be the friend, the second mom, and just an extra person, she is a tween, and I know that in itself makes it hard? BUT how can I get through to her, she's tearing at our relationship???

I have 3 of my own then he has 3... Please any help????


Asked by Tamara4210 at 8:34 PM on Nov. 22, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 3 (14 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I'm also a step mom. At first, it was a nightmare and sometimes it still is. The kids and I love eachother but BM hates me and it confuses them. And than of course there are the times that they "hate" me and wish "i'd get out of their lives" when I tell them to clean their room or keep their hands to themslves ;-) Step coupling is confusing for everyone. I read a lot of books on the subject, it helps me feel validated and offers positive advice. The ONE thing that seems to have helped over the years is Dad's support of me. The skids need to know that their Dad is behind you 100% also a year ago I stepped back and told the kids "hey, if you aren't going to show me respect you can't expect the perks that come with me being in your life.

    Answer by hotrodlassie at 4:41 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • I have had 2 step moms and honestly if she is that upset about you being in the family you should be direct. Ask her why she doesn't seem to like you and ask her how the two of you can fix it. Talk to her like she is an adult and have her help with an adult solution. If all works as planned she will respect you for treating her as a mature person and hopefull you can grow from there. Good luck

    Answer by chicmom85 at 8:41 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • honestly by backing off and letting her controll how much you have to do with her......if she talks to you (politly) anwser her. other than that let her dad deal with her........your not her parent and trying to be her parent could be the problem...

    Answer by cara124 at 10:54 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • She doesn't have to like you, but she does have to respect you. Your husband needs to talk with her and let her know that her attitude towards you is not acceptable. He needs to be the disciplinarian for her, not you. You need to treat her like your kids, if she breaks a rule, she gets punished. However, you should also make time to spend with her and do the things she enjoys. Sorry, she may never like you, but she will respect you.

    Answer by Shanna84 at 11:00 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • I have done all these things and its not helping, the BM is a drug addicted loser and isn't allowed to have contact with her anyways... Its just the attitude that she can do whatever she wants and to forget that it matters to anyone else. Or who it hurts in process.

    Comment by Tamara4210 (original poster) at 3:15 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Oh, one more BIG thing that helped. I relized that the harder I tried to get the kids approval the worst they treated me. I decided to just tell them " No, i'm not your mom but you are my child and as such I have do what's right for you" I stopped worrying if they liked me. the less I tried to gain their approval the more the respected me. I don't worry if my own children like me I do the things I do out of love, you have to be the same way with your skids :-)

    Answer by hotrodlassie at 4:46 PM on Nov. 23, 2010