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Does enrolling my daughter into the DEER's and Survivor benefits program change anything about a custody case?

My daughter does not know my ex because he has been out of her life for a few years. He contacted me the other day saying he would like me to enroll her into the DEER's and survivor benefits program. He made it clear that he is not pushing for visitation or custody or anything, he just wants her enrolled. He would like me to meet with him and his lawyer next week to sign papers reguarding this.

I don't know much about the programs, but I want to be sure that after I enroll her into those programs he's not going to turn around and take me to court for visiation or custody. I find it a little suspicious that that's all he wants since before he was threatening me that he would get full custody. Does it change anything about a custody case if I enroll her?

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:25 PM on Nov. 22, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • Before you meet with him and his attorney and sign anything, you need to get your own attorney. Seems very suspicious that your ex, who hasn't been around, wants you to sign your daughter up for some program and has an attorney. NO WAY I would do anything without an attorney and researching the programs on my own first.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:28 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Why would it be a big deal? He gets into DEERS, she gets Tricare medical and dental benefits while he is active duty. He probably wants to include her in his SGLI in case he dies. If he is required to provide medical insurance, then maybe that is why he wants her in DEERS. I wouldn't look too deep into it because it sounds like he is trying to provide for her as a dependent.

    Answer by Izsarejman at 10:28 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • It shouldn't it just sounds like she would be getting benefits. It would not change anything as far as custody goes.

    Answer by Melbornj at 10:30 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • And I have to second what the last person said. Deers would just enroll her in Tricare which si great health insurance. Then anyone can receive SGLI you can leave it to non related people but it sounds like he knows where he would want his to go if he dies. Sounds like he is thinking a little bit more Fatherly.

    Answer by Melbornj at 10:31 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • She is not a qualified beneficiary to receive anything unless she is enrolled in DEERS.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 10:43 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • It sounds like he's doing it for her sake. She'll get his benefits. Maybe he'll even pass his GI bill to her one day. This will have nothing do with custody. As an active duty servicemember, he is almost obligated to do this. Plus he can get BAH w/Diff to help with child support. There are a lot of benefits out there for dependents. She'll have free healthcare, free meds, a free eye exam every year, two free dental exams a year, etc. If he's not asking for custody but wants her to get into the DEERS system, look at it more as a blessing. However, when it does come to custody, he's probably going to have visitation rights if he wants them.

    Answer by bubsiclesmom at 11:41 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • NO! We are army, and DEERS in the program that gets her meical insrance, dental insurance, and priledges on post! It wont change custody! y DH is not my sons father, bt he raises him, and my son is on DEERS! As are all of us! I highly recommend it! Call any local military post and askfor the DEERS office, and tey can tell you more!

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 6:51 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

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