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4 Bumps

What would you think if your ( grown )son asked you this ?

My son recently got married and is now expecting his first ( bio) baby.... His new wife has a 1 year old and 2 year old from a previous relationship... but my son takes care of them and is going to adopt them and change their last name - they call him daddy and call me mamaw and i love them like they are my own...( my other son is only 19 and hasnt had any yet )

It has all happened very quickly seeing as they just started dating in March...

I have tried to make a relationship with my new daughter in law but it is kind of hard... I think it is just because we are so different... I am and always has been a mother before anything else... I lived for my children and now I do for my grandchildren... Besides my job ( which I do love ) my life revolves around them... when my sons moved out I even got 4 dogs just to take care...

And well my daughter law is more "modern" i guess is what you would say she openly puts her job before her family ( she will admit to this) ... she has 2 babysitters 1 for while she is at work and 1 for when she gets off work so she can sleep ( seriously) ... ( my son works 2nd shift right now ) ... even when they are sick ( to where the oldest had to be hospitalized for 2 days) she still went to work...

So baby number 3 is on the way ( she is due in june.. which is kind of cute because every year in june she has a baby lol ) ... and my son came to me and asked if I would quit my job and take care of all 3 babies... my son makes enough to pay for everything and at first wanted her to cut back on hours to take care of the new baby but she wont and so now he is asking me... he said he will pay all of my bills for me...

Part of me would love to do that but on the other hand I am an old lady now and I just dont know if I can handle living everyday like that again ( for 12 hours a day, 5-6 days a week ) .... but I am not to thrilled of having my young babies ( especially a newborn) going to daycare ( especially the one we have here in town)...

What would you do

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:56 PM on Nov. 22, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Answers (34)
  • As a grandmother myself, I would say NO I would not want to do that. On the other hand, my daughter is a single mother and she has to work. The kids have no choice but to attend daycare. Most daycares around here will not take newborns though. But, as a grandmother too, I can tell you that if she wants to work it's not your place to interfere. I would be happy that my DIL is a hard working person and really wants to do the best for her family.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 10:59 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Is there anyway your son can stay home? Your DIL obviously has a job that she cares alot about, and if they could make cut backs and adjust for a few months at least, assuming that she makes enough money. I wouldn't try to talk her into staying home, it sounds like something she really doesn't want to do and it might be really hard on everyone if she is forced to.
    gypsymama532

    Answer by gypsymama532 at 11:00 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I wouldn't and he can't just adopt those children. Severing the parental rights of the dads isn't that easy. If they want sitters two shifts a day I'd let them find their own. It's a lot of money but they will get it back at tax time.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:02 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • She complains that she doesnt like her job.... I honestly think ( and I am not just saying this to make her seem bad) but I feel that she does it so she can be away from the kids.... She just never wants to seem to be around them... even when she doesnt work she still sends them to both sitters ...

    and no she doesnt make no where near enough to support them, before they got married and had joint income she was on welfare support
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:03 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • admckenzie - the bio father gave up his rights ... they already have talked to a lawyer and they already started the adoption and naem change process
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:04 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • What a hard postition to be in.... I guess if it were me I would take care of the babies, just so they wouldn't go to daycare. But I would also sit down with Son and DIL, and explain to them how hard this is going to be on the little ones. They will live to regret being away from them so much.
    There is an upside to all of this though. They will be with Grandma, and that to me is such a blessing. You can bond with them, and teach them how important it is for family to be there for family... GL in your decision. I hope it all works out for everyone.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:04 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I totally appreciate how much you love these children and I am not saying this to hurt your feelings but first thing is that you have to understand that "these" are not your babies they are your grandbabies...I only say this because I am currently watch my 72 year old mother getting ready to take care of my 30 something sisters new premature baby...My mother has days that she has trouble with her knees. It is not fair that at the time in her life she should be travelling and enjoying life she is starting all over... You son should not have even asked you, if he can afford it he needs to put his foot down with her and insist that she takes care of these children at least until he feels comfortable with them going somewhere else...Good luck and bless you
    sam223

    Answer by sam223 at 11:06 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Don't do it! My ex MIL used to do stuff like that to me. Tell me I was a bad mom for working, then turn around and tell me I needed to work because her son was unable to get benefits. It's a case of no one wins here. If she wants to work to get away from the kids, that's her concern, not yours.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 11:07 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I take issue with a mother who refuses to BE a mother. I wouldn't do it if I were you. She shouldn't keep popping babies out for other people to raise.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:07 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • If you don't want to do it, don't. As far as not wanting the kids to go to daycare, I wouldn't want my kids in daycare, but that's me and they are MY kids. They aren't your kids to worry about in that respect and it's really not up to you. Your daughter in law may parent differently then you but that is her right and it sounds like you may be sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. Be their grandmother and be the best you can be at that.
    newmomma14

    Answer by newmomma14 at 11:08 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

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