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What can I do to make it stop bothering me?

I made a really horrible decision and it bothers me everyday. I had been best friends with a guy for years and he watched me go through some really bad stuff. He finally told me he had feelings for me and eventually he confessed his love for me. I couldn't ever bring myself to date him because he didn't have a job or a car or anything and I had a kid and wanted to try to find someone who I could build a family with. He told me he would change his life to be with me but for some reason I just couldn't make that decision. He told me that even if I wouldn't be with him he would love me and still be there for me. He was my shoulder to cry on and the only person who I thought would always be there. I ended up dating his friend who I am pregnant with now. It broke his heart and he broke down and cried to my bf and asked him to please be good to me and not hurt me. Things haven't been going well with my bf for a while now and I can't stop thinking of the "What if?". Now my friend barely talks to me especially now that he has found out I'm pregnant. I feel horrible for hurting him and I know in my heart he would of never hurt me like other guys have. I want to tell him I'm sorry but I don't know that it would help any. I really regret not taking my opportunity with him. I really miss him even as a friend because he knew me better than anyone.


Asked by kayaiden8907 at 11:16 PM on Nov. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,262 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Sometimes we don't get second chances and we just need to move on. You picked financial security over love and friendship. You didn't make a bad choice. It makes total sense that you would not want to date someone that didn't have a job. Your problem is that you should have kept it out of the circle of friends. If you had picked a different guy, then you might have had a chance to go back to your friend. But you picked his best firend and got pregnant. There is no going back, let him move on and you do the same.

    Answer by Niki_sd at 10:25 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • He should have proved himself to you when he had the chance. It's his own fault you didn't choose him. Don't feel guilty. You made a decision. It's more than what he did. He could have made something of himself for you not just wait until you wanted to give him a chance.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:32 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • The best thing you can do I feel is let him heal. It seems like if your try to enter into a relationship with him he could end up being the rebond guy and thats not fair to him. Give it some time, focus on your baby and if you need to be single. I'm not sure it you're wanting a relationship with him or just want your friend back. He has feelings for you and needs time to balance his feeling.

    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 11:21 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • I say call up your friend asking him to come over for some coffee or maybe meet somewhere. Then tell everything tell him how you feel. You have nothing to lose-it's worth a shot.

    Answer by Jessica45 at 11:44 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Well...

    So many things. What to focus on? How 'bout the direct route?

    Why are you spending so much of your energy being rotten to your life? While you're looking around at all your options, you select deadbeats...and when that's not horrible enough to live through, you elect to stomp on the single person who has consistently been kind, supportive and present. Why --because he has a job and a car and your paramour doesn't? Not that I think you should have gone with him --but his best friend? Are you seriously trying to prove you're the biggest bitch of the century? Or just the most thoughtless?

    If someone you'd confessed your love to took up with your best friend, would you think that was intentional, or that they're just stupid?

    I would recommend standing still. Do nothing, make no decisions at all and just wait where you are. For as long as possible. Like 3 years. Don't go looking for options. Pause. Just stop.

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:05 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Obviously, he does have feelings for you. But, it also sounds like you would rather have him as a friend. You might be one of the people that would rather keep someone as a friend than to risk losing him by going into a serious relationship. There is nothing wrong with that and if that's how you feel, he needs to deal with that. He is also probably hurt by the fact that you are pregnant by one of his friends and it sounds like he is trying to deal with it by telling them, "Be good to her and don't hurt her." It really sounds that he really does care, just give him some time to deal with it.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:01 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • I hear you and know EXACTLY how your feel. I have a regret like this myself but's to little to late. Move on in another direction but leave the poor guy alone.

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 6:09 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • You need to work on you and your life. I think the idea of jumping from one to another is a bad idea. The grass is always greener, and what happens if he takes you..then what, you are unhappy because he is poor? Just build a life for yourself, and take into consideration your children.

    Answer by salexander at 11:58 AM on Nov. 23, 2010