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Me and BFF are growing apart - actually I'm backing off. I think it's time, don't you?

I love my FaceBook -- but I do not play any games on there and I do not participate in any apps either. I use it to stay in touch with all of my family and people I grew up with.

My BFF (of nearly 9 years) talked me into the playing the zoo game over a year ago - in about 2 months I made it all the way to the last 'level' --- and then I quit it. I've since had to endure lots of aggravation and irritation from my BFF because I do not share her enthusiasm with it - STILL. It literally got to a point where I gave her my her my password and told her to go 'gift' all of my animals to her zoo and leave me alone with it.

It's a shame, really, and a blotch on her - not me - but since then - she NEVER visits me on FB anymore. BUT she certainly get upset if she posts pictures or video or something and *I* don't go look at it. I've noticed, primarily in the last 3/4 months that I just don't care to talk to her as much any more either.

Every conversation is always about her. And we can't have a single conversation that isn't interrupted 3 or more time with her saying "hang on, so & so is calling" -- then she puts me on hold and many times (as of lately) I've gotten to where I just hang up after about 5 minutes on hold. Or she'll say "let me call you back" and then she doesn't. But Heaven forbid if I don't answer when she calls or she leaves more than one voice-mail and hasn't heard back from me ... she will THEN start blowing up my FB inbox and email and she has even been known to call my husband to make sure I'm alright. After about the 50th time she did this to me, I found that I really began to feel like our friendship has become very one-sided and I just am losing interest.

Tonight I got too curious for my own good and went looking at her FB posts and her comments to other people - for a long time I thought she just wasn't a 'responder to posts' but I find that she responds to everyone, comment on their status, photos, blah blah blah - just not mine. Not to be petty or anything like that - but I have thought of maybe deleting her as a FB friend just to find out how long it would take her to even notice. (that could be a great indicator, huh, and at the very least a very good dialogue starter because right now I don't even feel like I want to broach this subject with her)

It took me 4 years before I would acknowledge her as my BFF because I don't like those kinds of things - it just feels too possessive for me; and when I did finally refer to her as my BFF she was like over the top happy-giddy (like she heard I love you from a man for the first time). I feel like she looks down on me a lot, and pities me (because her relationship with her grown children is better than mine is with my children). I know she loves me - I just feel like she's really lost sight of who I am - and to her I've stopped being a person and starting being "just" her support stem.

What are your thoughts? I'm posting anonymous because I don't want a lot of feedback in my CM email - I don't want pity, I want honest feedback. Don't really even need advice - just share with me your experience and your wisdom and what you think -- especially about deleting her from my FB.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:38 PM on Nov. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • All I have to say is that FB is going to be the death of the healthy relationship, whether it's a friendship, marriage, mother-daughter, etc. I am not on FB and probably will never join. I'm in a somewhat similar situation with another friend of mine, and I have just decided to back off completely. If she wants to chat with me or know what's going on, she knows where she can find me.

    Answer by Journey311 at 11:47 PM on Nov. 22, 2010


    Answer by ChosenByGod40 at 11:54 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Well - backing off in person kinda took care of itself because I moved 8 hours away. BUT this is not the first time I've been transferred away - I was moved just as far away (in a different direction) 2 years ago. We've always had massive primary contact by phone -- and until lately, when I started to back off - but we still do for the most part. I mean (before) we could sit on the phone and just yak for hours while we are cleaning house. But, once again --- last time few times we had a 'cleaning talk' I literally put the phone down, cleaned the toilet, picked the phone up listened for a few seconds, said "uh huh" and then swept the bathroom, picked up the phone did it again then finished the bathroom (total of about 15 minutes at least that she never even paused talking about herself (her life) -- she never even knew I put the phone down (this is how much she dominates the conversation)

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:55 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • i have been having an ongoing struggle with my BFF for a number of years now. She seems to disappear and come back when she feels like it. didn't hear from her for 5 years, only to have her come back a few months ago, out of the blue. I keep hoping that things are different this time, and that we can still be friends. I don't know what happened to our relationship to make her disappear 2 weeks before my wedding, and then disappear after my wedding. Then show up 2 years after that, and then disappear for 5 yrs again. I have had a hard time making friends because she has hurt me soo much by doing what she has done. I am slowly learning to make friends, but, that trust issue is there in fear that the new friends that i make are gonna do the same thing. I have had the same problems growing up too. Friends just didn't stick around.

    Answer by sunshine31 at 11:59 PM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • Like you said, I don't think you really need the advice. It sounds to me like you pretty much know what you are going to do and have valid reasons for doing so. Personally, I do not have a FB account for such reasons. I do not need the added drama in my life - I have enough of my own! lol Good luck and I hope you are able to make other friends who will treat you with respect and understanding. Friendships go both ways and hopefully you can find someone else who can be that kind of friend.

    Answer by mama2000_1 at 12:28 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Well - I did it --- at midnight straight up -- we'll see how long before she even knows I'm gone.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:17 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • My BFF and I grew apart a Long time ago, but, How can i stop talking to her,,she is like family. All family members tend to diagree every now and then and sisters often get into whats the big deal. move on if you must but don't forget to say hello from time to time.

    Answer by alejandra559 at 2:08 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

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