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2 Bumps

Mostly a vent but advice would be appreciated....

About 4 months ago my parents got divorced, which I am okay with, and since then my mom has been running around dating every guy she meets. She is currently dating and living with a guy and already talking about marriage.

My mom and I used to have the BEST relationship ever...we could talk about everything and she would give me advice and I could call her anytime and she would answer, now not so much. I talk to her about once or twice a week and its never for more than 5 mins and the conversation seems strained. On the other hand my dad and my relationship has grown greatly. We used to not talk much but now we talk almost everyday and I really appreciate the effort he is putting in to keeping our relationship strong because family is VERY important to me.

I was checking my facebook tonight and my mom had posted some new pictures of her, her new bf, and his daughter. They were professionally taken and look really nice, but she is one that used to HATE pictures being taken of her. I don't have a family picture of my mom, dad, brother, and I since I was 8 and I am now 25.

How could she have gone from one extreme to the other??? I just feel like I have been abandoned by her and am starting to feel like not trying to keep our relationship going anymore. On the other hand I can't do that to my children and keep them away from their grandma. I don't know what to do and have tried talking to my husband about this but he doesn't know what to do either. I feel lost and there are so many emotions running through me I don't know what to think. I don't want these issuses to run into my marriage and start eating on that because we are in a really good spot and we are only going to get better.

Advice...comments...totally appreciated

 
saydeejo

Asked by saydeejo at 11:59 PM on Nov. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,407 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I can see how hurt you are from this and maybe because I'm twice your age I'm hoping I can instill some answers to your questions. Your mom has met someone who treats her very special, something that was lost when she & your dad were married, and she wants to do what needs to be done to keep this relationship going. This by no means takes away her love for you. She's just working on herself right now. She knows you have a husband and doesn't need to worry about you because she knows you're okay. Try not to be hurt, I know that's hard to do. Invite your mom to lunch and tell her how you feel. That old saying “we always hurt the ones that mean the most" is so true, so just be honest with her and maybe the reality check will click with her. Good Luck and remember, once a mom, always a mom! She does love you!
    Kathy675

    Answer by Kathy675 at 12:17 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Seriously, you have to at least tell her what you have told us. Just communicate and tell her you don't understand why she has the new pictures and never bothered to take any with you guys. Tell her it's hurtful not to mention insensitive and rude. If you let the relationship go, you'll always wonder. If you hit her head on with your feelings and give her a chance to respond, then you will know you did everything you could to better understand her and also give her a chance to remedy the situation. Deal directly with Mom. After that, it's on her.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 12:03 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Sometimes when people have been pretending to be what everyone else expected for a really long time, the only thing they can think of doing is taking off in the opposite direction.

    Your mother does not need to know what you think of her. No, really, she doesn't. If you tell her you think she's insane or thoughtless or obnoxious what, exactly, would you hope to get out of that (apart from being slapped?) How on earth would being insulting to her improve your relationship? No matter how she behaved, if you think that behaviour is a problem don't act it back at her. If you do it, it's obviously 'fine' with you.

    When people form new important relationships, it's compelling & time consuming. I suspect that as you and your dh were hot and new, you probably weren't talking to your mom twice a day just at that point. Being used to her having nothing else to do but answer your calls doesn't mean she has to stay there to love you.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:16 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • When I was 15 I lost both of my parents. They split, took on other lovers and kind of thought the other one was taking care of me and my 10 year old brother. Our relationships were very strained for years. I didn't want to say anything because I wanted them to be happy. I've been closer to them now that everyone's kids are out of the hours. I don't have any advice...maybe just some empathy. I know it's heart breaking. Hang in there for the kids. It will straighten out...it might just take a while.
    sunshine58103

    Answer by sunshine58103 at 12:12 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Communicate with her, tell her exactly how you feel!!
    AmandaValentin

    Answer by AmandaValentin at 12:11 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • * kids are out of the house.
    sunshine58103

    Answer by sunshine58103 at 12:13 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • You shouldn't feel like this although, your mother probably is a different person than what you are used to be. It sounds like her confidence has soared, thus her now liking to have her picture made.But, you need to tell her that since she is in a new relationship that you feel that your relationship with her has changed because of it. She will always be your mother no matter how old you are. Even though your parents aren't together anymore. She's now a part of another man's life and she may not be doing this intentionally. She has moved on with her life and you can't change that. Tell her you still want to be a part of her life and see what she says about that. You're still her daughter no matter what.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:46 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • i kinda understand where your comming from , im 16 and well my paretns where never married and i hardly knew my dad but when i was 6 my mom got married to my step dad and at first i hated her and him for it . i felt like he was taking my mommy away from me bcuz she paid less attention to me and more attention to him . i was angry for a while but as we all got closer my step dad bcame my dad and i loved him . but now 10 years later they are recently divorced and it feels wierd not having him around and seeing him date other people and our relationship isnt as good as it used to be . so it kinda hurts to see him not with my mom and especially with someone else . now my mom hasnt started dating yet ( that i know of ) bcuz she has 6 kids me being the oldest and 3 yo twins being the youngest but im sure when she does start dating all of her girls will feel the same way . ill probally be like 30 when that happens but i get it .
    teenmum11

    Answer by teenmum11 at 1:01 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • I agree with
    Answer by Kathy675 49 minutes ago

    For the most part, She has a new world and new things.....
    BUT.............................

    She does need a reality check !!!!!!!!

    YOU are her daughter and she has grand-babies, and "YES" all of you do matter !!!!!!

    Invite her privatly, for brunch, lunch,or supper ALONE, and speak with her.......

    Her attitude, will tell you all you need to know ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 1:17 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Your mom is in a rebound phase. Take a step back and see her as a PERSON and not just your mom for a while. Like anyone coming out of a long relationship she is changing, trying new things, growing and making mistakes. The end of a relationship is a great time to venture out. Just be there for her and be supportive, let your relationship with her change and be a girlfriend for her. Don't make this about you, this is your mom's time to be a little selfish. People who feel you are judging them naturally pull away.

    When you step away and see her has a person you will realize some things:
    She had more time to talk to you when she was not happy, at home, 1-2 calls a week is still talking often.
    How nice that she feels BETTER about her self and will take a picture now. Invite her to take pics with your family if that is what you want.
    She seems up to trying new things, so invite her to do something new with you.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 9:55 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

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