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how can i trust him again and forget about what happend ? adult content

im 16 and i have a 18 yo bf . weve been together off and on for 2 years . in our relationship weve both did some bad things to eachother ( his is worst ) but i have lived with him off and on for the past year now . recently during holloween i was home for about 3 weeks just to get a break and see my family . during this time he meets a girl and starts talking to her on holloween night . now he didnt sleep with her but they had been texting the whole time . and he was asking her to have sex with him and do alot of other graffic and explicit things and telling her he liked her and stuff calling her baby and stuff . so when i got bck to his house for about 3 or 4 days he was still talking to her like right infront of my face . so when i finally check his fone i see all the messages and im really hurt and chrushed . like he didnt exactly cheat but it feels like it . the worst part for me , well the second worst part , is that he was all in my face telling me how mch he loved me and missed me and wanted to marry me the whole time while he was talking to her . and that just made me feel very stupid and unloved . but the real worst part is he didnt even have the decency to stop talking to her , he kept talking to her right in my face . he didnt even try to cover it up . i woulda felt better not knowing then knowing . it really hurts bcuz 1 , he is my first love and im head over heals for him , 2 im pregnant with his child and 3 , i really thot he loved me . he does things for me an average guy wouldnt . he made me feel so insecure and inadequate like i was nothing and meant nothing . i just dont know how i will ever get over it and stop thinking about it and how i willl ever trust him . i was just starting to trust him before this happend and now its ALL gone . idk if i will ever trust him again . but i know ill always find out bcuz hes so blunt and rude with his infidelities . i know this sounds really immature but im 16 so what do you expect ? anyway im really hurt and sometimes i get really depressed about it . i just dont know how to let it go .

any advice or comments are much appreciated . please no negative or hurtful comments .

Answer Question

Asked by teenmum11 at 1:19 AM on Nov. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (73 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I am not sure what type of advice you are looking for but..he is CLEARLY not treating you with the respect you deserece. I will tell you most of this is an age factor - you are 16 and he is 18- however, there are many who HAVE made it through being this young but.. he could very well mean what he says AND Be cheating at the same time. this is a confusing age for anyone, espeically a 16 and 18 year old we are about to become parents.; I think the best thing you can do is focus on being a mother to your child and ask just exactly what paret his CHILD wnants ot be a parent his HIS child's life.. becaue he is noth acting like a father right now. I wish you the best of luck.. I was 29 when I had my son and it was hard enough...... yI couldn't imagine for a seoncd being with the person I was with at 16.. and i KNEW I was in love with him,... then 3 guys after hin too...

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:35 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Like you said, you're really young. Too young to be going thru this. It's abundantly clear that he has no interest in a monogomous relationship. He disrespects you constantly - and right in front of your face! He will always be your first love no matter how horribly he treats you. But thats OK. You will get over him. His behavior is unbelievable. He has to go. Think about it, why would he treat you that way if he truly liked you even a little bit. And remember, it's OK to think of him fondly 10 or 20 years from now because he will have been your first love. Hopefully, he will support the innocent child produced from this relationship. If not, think of it as his loss. He will probably have a miserable life for treating you so badly.

    Answer by Iluvautumn at 1:48 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • I'm sorry you're going through this! I know you don't want to hear this, but more than likely he's just not ready totally ready for a serious long-term commitment. Guys THINK they are sometimes, but when the reality of being a dad and husband hits...they flip out. They also mature slower than females. Unfortunately, it's up to you to grow up and be a parent now. So you need to think... would you want your daughter growing up and being with a man who treats her the way he treats you? Would you want your son to grow up and treat women the way this guy treats you? If you said "no" then it's time to really reconsider if he's the one for you. Maybe he will grow up and step up and be a dad, but maybe he'll keep screwing around and there is nothing you can do. Right now think about YOU, your baby, and whats best for him or her. If he DOES step later, great. If not, then you are losing nothing by becoming independent. Good luck hun!

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 2:03 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Oh Honey! Where to start? First, this guy has no intention in having a true relationship with anyone right now. Your both too young to even think of live-in relationships. You should think about moving back in with your family and give this some time. Take an inventory of what's good and bad in this situation, what you want from it, and what you are getting from it in reality. It may hurt but you already know what you need to do. love yourself enough to do what's right.

    Answer by dreamn at 2:24 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Sweetie...at your age, you shouldn't even be dealing with assholes like this. You have plenty of time to get you heart and hopes crushed when you get older. Enjoy being 16 right now. Hang out with your girlfriends...concentrate on school. Jerks like this are a dime a dozen and will float in and out of your life for the rest of your life but hopefully, if you wait till your older, you may have the emotional amo to deal with it. HOPEFULLY!

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 5:52 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Since you posted this I hope you are open to suggestions. Please go home, concentrate on yourself and your baby. Get through school and have a plan for what you really want to do with your life. Dont' let life happen to you. Make a good life for yourself and your child and then you will be in a place where you can meet a man who will treat you with love and respect and be a good partner. Don't settle for less. You will get over him even though it may seem that you won't. You have your whole life ahead of you (really you do).

    Answer by Keksie at 7:27 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • If he's already cheating or thinking of cheating that's a big red flag right there what your future will be as for forgetting you never will as for trust you have to think on that one it's your decision but being your age I wouldn't even consider keeping the relationship. There are other fish in the sea. I married young I was 19 he was 24 and he cheated the 1st year in our marriage with a neighbor..I did leave but came back was it hard to trust him definatly but if I wanted to be with him I had to learn to trust or just not be with him..I was pregnant when this happened with my first kid and the 2nd year got worse we were both immature and did really immature things 16 is NOT old enough to be living with anyone but your parents even if you have kids you still need time to grow and mature before making adult decisions which if you've had a child you already have but still living together at your age is something you should

    Answer by chica679 at 7:29 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • rethink ur both too young.

    Answer by chica679 at 7:29 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • I was pregnant at 16 and it is a very vunerable place to be in. The thing about it is that you have no choice but to mature for the baby you are about to have. That is the most important thing. This guy is not mature and doesn't know how to treat you. You deserve better in a relationship. You may feel love him and that is okay but you must draw the line and demand respect. I suggest that you leave him and see what he does. If he runs off to someone else, he is not worth your time anymore and the only thing you should be worried about is him being a father. if he sticks around maybe he can learn to treat you the way you deserve. Don't sell yourself short, though. You deserve to be loved and treated well. Love hurts when you lose it but I can tell you from experience that it is far better to lose love than hold on too long to someone who treats you badly and waste years of your life hurting from a man who doesn't treat you well.

    Answer by bjane01 at 7:54 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Anyone who tells you that he loves you while talking to another person in that manner doesn't know what love or commitment really is. I know it hurts, but really - you need to go home and focus on you and the baby. I would bet that he has cheated on you. He certainly doesn't respect you or your relationship.

    Answer by Scuba at 9:02 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

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