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3 Bumps

My husband leaves home when we argue and doesn't return for days. I have no access to finances and I feel trapped!

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pieceofmind

Asked by pieceofmind at 8:41 AM on Nov. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (17 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • You need to start stashing money away so you aren't stuck when he does this. Why do you put up with it? An adult does not run away when things get bad, and certainly doesn't leave his wife and kids without any money.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 8:43 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • What are you arguing over? Could you stash some cash so when this happens you have no need to call him? Because he may feel power by leaving you in such need. If he is feeling disrespect in the home he will act out in a way to make you feel unloved.
    martinmommy26

    Answer by martinmommy26 at 8:46 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • I dont understand why a married couple doesnt have a joint account?

    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 8:49 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • If you have no access to finances, you only have yourself to blame, whatever $ comes in that household regardless of who makes it belongs to the two of you. His immature behavior leaves a lot to be desired.
    older

    Answer by older at 8:50 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • What a selfish little man!! You need a JOINT account. Doesn't matter WHO MAKES the money - it is a marriage....it should be OUR money not MY/HIS money.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:56 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Thank's for the comments ladies..Let me give you a little more info..I need to VENT to someone and I have no friends. My husband whom I met three yrs ago promissed me the world. He is a wealthy man and at the time I had just gotten divorced and was very lonely and depressed. He asked me to marry him, quit my job and sell my home..Like a fool, I did it.. Now three yrs later his closet drinking has came out..Liquor by the gallons, rages, leaves like I said and leaving me with no money....I worry so much that not even a single day goes by that I don't feel ill. I was hospitalized this year due to a nervous breakdown. Last yr he assaulted me and was arrested for a felony conviction. I have been subject to mental cruelty of the worst kind ever since. I have been to lawyers and they say I haven't been married long enough for alimony. I leave their offices in a state of hopelessness. I give up... I only want to start over.
    pieceofmind

    Comment by pieceofmind (original poster) at 8:59 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Even without alimony you should be able to get the money from the house you sold. Keep looking for a lawyer that will help you get out before it is too late. Start setting aside money so that you can leave and be safe.
    pbilotti

    Answer by pbilotti at 9:08 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • If I was in that situation I would just leave. Money means nothing. Fuc* the alimony. If he can't treat you well, no amount of money would be worth it. You are not hopeless, you can do what you want. Get a job. Your mental health is far more important. Next time he leaves don't be there when he returns. Make him see how it feels.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 9:09 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Go back to work... Go back to whatever friends you cut out of your life when you met him. True friends are surprisingly resilient.

    When you go shopping always use debt and get cash back and start yourself a little savings. Since he is wealthy and an alcholic you will actually be able to swindle more money than the average person could. When he is in a better mood ask him about getting you access to the account. Start making plans to leave as soon as possible.

    Did you have kids with this man?
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 9:19 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • I had a friend that was in a similar situation...She left without nothing and now she is addicted to coccaine and pot. lives with a man who can't drive due to DUI's. I'm so affraid that if I leave with nothing I will become nothing. I want my husband to get help or help me GET OUT. I try to talk to him about the way I feel and he will not listen. I have been thinking all morning about just getting some clothes together and leaving, going south to the beach and try to find work and a home....All my children are grown and live in this area..I will be leaving all behind....Im ready to say ENOUGH! I have been sobbing all night and this morning. I hate myself for getting my family in this FUCk-- UP situation.......I sometimes wish his next drink would be his last. I'm sorry but starting over AGAIN is almost to hard to bare..He will lose nothing, I have lost it all!
    pieceofmind

    Comment by pieceofmind (original poster) at 9:26 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

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