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What do you do when it all gets to be too much?

My 4yr old is a real high maintenence piece of work. Here's is just one example. Every day after taking my oldest to the bus stop. I put the youngest to sleep, she takes early naps and then is good for the day. During this time, my 4 yr old watches Curious George and The Cat in The Hat. It's quiet morning time, for just an hour. Today, she decided that she was not watching the shows but NEEDED to color. Asked me if she could, I said she could in a little bit. She screamed and screamed, throwing a total fit, until I slammed the paper and crayons out on the table. I can handle my other two by just talking, but my 4 yr old leaves me stunned. I get so mad I just want to hit her or something, but I know I never can. So I just yell, and sometimes I jump, I don't know why but that's what i do when I want to smack her. I can't though because I feel like if I did I would have no control. My father passed his evil on to me, I'm pretty sure. I just get too mad at her. I don't know what to do with her. The only thing that has worked for me so far with her is to make her write. Like if she lies, I make her write "I will not lie" maybe 10 or 15 timmes, and that works for things like that but I can't figure out what to do with her when she is out of control, and having fits, Don't tell me to ignore her, because that really doesn't work, she gets louder, or she'll follow me screaming, and if I still ignore the tantrum, she'll start beating on me. Any suggestions fellow mommies?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:24 AM on Nov. 23, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (8)
  • hide in the bathroom... or when they are that young, we'll walk to the playground or park, let em let off some steam there... we may even go do some window shopping or go to a toy store and let em look at that stuff.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 9:27 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • My older girl is just like that. If things don't go her way, she explodes! Lately when she gets like that, I've been putting her in the "time out" room and telling her that when she's ready to be with the family again, she can come back. She'll often come out screaming seconds after I put her in, but I've noticed that persistence has been the key. I get so stressed and mad when she has temper tantrums that I don't know what to do sometimes. It's incredibly stressful, especially when you have other kids. I started doing some "meditation" at the end of the day before I go to sleep. I sit for 5 minutes, close my eyes, and breathe. I try not to think about anything but the air going in and out. Its almost better than a glass of wine ;)

    Good luck!

    Answer by ndsmommy333 at 9:37 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • maybe finding a daycare would help. It can be pricy though. Having so time away from eachother will help calm some of the temper on both sides.

    Answer by chicmom85 at 9:37 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Ignorning them rarely works, so no I will never tell you to ignore your child.. I will say though, try to hide your anger... seems your child likes to push your buttons, and by openly being angry with her, she is winning. okay, so in the coloring example, if she does not ask nicely, and cannot wait five seconds for you to finish what you are doing, she cannot do it, let her throw her fit.. if she asks nicely and can give you the five seconds, nicely give her the crayons.. my daughter is the same way, impatient, demanding, and well a brute... but i guess when the days get REALLY bad, I walk away.. i click on cartoons or give her some coloring stuff, and i go to another room and breath! do you happen to talk to anyone about your anger issues? I think maybe therapy would be a really big help! im not saying it to demean you, so please dont take it that way....

    Answer by icn_mom at 9:40 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • I guess I would need to breath too. But have you thought about adding coloring to the list of approved quiet activities? Sounds like she want alittle say in what she is doing. She sounds strong willed. sometime they want to fight just to do it. I have one who is 10 and would argue the sky is green. If you can limit the things they find to fight about it might make it easier.

    Answer by martinmommy26 at 9:48 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • if she throws a huge fit, put her in a safe room for time out. You have to be persistant but eventually she'll get it.

    Answer by Ashlynnsmommy07 at 11:38 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • it's a power struggle, and when she sees you melt and give in, she's won. be persistant... i know it sucks that she may wake your youngest, but you have to get tough or this will continue.

    Answer by asil at 6:40 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Put her in her room, shut her door and IGNORE HER. I know you said not to tell you to ignore her because "it doesn't work" but you HAVE to ignore her otherwise she will continue to put the two together: If I continue to yell and scream and just get louder, I WILL eventually get attention.

    I have a 3 almost 4 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. They will throw the ungodliest of temper tantrums, screaming, yelling, they'll try to slap at me, the whole shebang....I put them in their room, shut the door and tune them out. They can scream as loud and long as they want, I do NOT give them the attention for bad behavior. When they finally quiet down (and they WILL), I'll wait 5 minutes then open the door. This shows them: Negative = NO attention. Positive = attention. It's nerve wracking, but you can survive this =)

    Answer by mainemusicmaker at 6:34 AM on Nov. 27, 2010

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