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is it slightly awkward at your family gatherings?

my mom always hosts Thanksgiving dinner at her house. i can always tell my hubby is bored. this year atleast, now that our girls are a little older, he can play with them in her backyard while my mom and i take over the kitchen and the rest of my family converses. he's never had an open relationship with my family, just a casual, friendly kind. everytime we go over there i feel like i have to keep him entertained and engaged in the conversation, i just wish he could relax around my family. im different with his family, i feel like one of the family and it doesn't bother me to be left alone with them while he's in the kitchen or bathroom or whatever. i wish he could feel this way about my family, they've always been friendly to him and never made him feel outcasted. he's not a shy guy either, at all, so im not sure why he's so reserved. it might have something to do with him cheating on me in the past multiple times and my parents knowing about it, but it was years ago and we have all moved passed it. i love being over at my parents' house and spending as much time as i can there, but with him there i feel like we should only stay as long as we have to. can anyone relate?

 
tnm786

Asked by tnm786 at 11:08 AM on Nov. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • You're probably right, he feels uncomfortable because of what he did. However, he did that to you, and now making you feel like he needs to leave at your family occasions, it's like he's the victim, instead of you, and he's hurting you again. I wouldn't rush to leave, he needs to be a man and make himself part of your family, especially if they are treating him well even though he hurt you.

    You might gently say to him "You know, the best gift you could give me this year, would be to relax and enjoy the holiday at my parents so that I can enjoy it too." But, I wouldn't rush to leave, he's hurt you enough, it's time for him to take responsibility and behave like a man not a child.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:14 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • It is at my inlaws,but its because they are so boring,its like watching paint dry! They drink to excess and want us to drink too. We don't drink at all. They are closet racists and this amuses me because 2 of the 3 aunts had kids with Mexican men!
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 11:13 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Its only uncomfortable when my sil decides to be a jerk. But other than that its nice and everyone is great!
    bjojola

    Answer by bjojola at 11:09 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • No, it's always great for us. Both sides of the family are great and I love spending time with them. I see all of them almost every day so we're all very close. Especially with my SIL who lives down our street!
    mysevenkids

    Answer by mysevenkids at 11:15 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • butterfly... I think we are family members in some way, lol.
    bjojola

    Answer by bjojola at 11:20 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Absolutely he is ashamed about what he did as he should be and that is what is making him feel uncomfortable. With that said and for the reason that he feels uncomfortable, you should not be jumping through hoops to make him feel okay when your at your parents. Let him figure it out just as he figured out how to hurt you by cheating.
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 11:28 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • My DH whether he admits it or not, has always been odly intimidated by my family. We come from polar opposite backrounds. I grew up well off, and he was terribly poor not to mention neglected/abused. Even though my family loves him and has accepted him with open arms, he just seems like he feels out of place. I think this is his issue not ours. Not that I am not sensitive to him, and I do try to just hang by him for the most part, but he has an inferiority complex that needs work. He didn't grow up knowing there was more than one fork at dinner(not that that is a bad thing and we don't make a big deal out of it) but when you are from very different worlds, this is bound to happen. I on the other hand, love his sister and brothers. His mom I could do without, and his dad died before we met.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 11:32 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • @bjojola, my sil is a jerk too! infact at my baby shower for my 2nd my whole family and his were together and she decided to tell her 1 year old that she was going to punch her in the f*cking face. can you imagine how awkward the rest of the shower was!? im glad she's not coming home for Thanksgiving this year!
    tnm786

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 11:11 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • sounds to me like hes a selfish asshole.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:16 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • We have really low-key holidays, emotionally. People don't dredge up the past, although we are inclined to laugh about old stories. We don't have a culture of cruelty or one-upmanship which seems to make things worse in many homes. We're all there for the laughs, so we make sure there's lots of them for everyone.

    Plus, because we're an accepting and generous bunch, so when dh gets bored (actually, it's overwhelmed by the number of conversations going on in one room... but it's similar to boredom) he is welcome to go play on the computer, go for a walk or otherwise see to it that he's content in himself without needing to perform for anyone. We have one daughter who gets too much of a good thing at family gatherings, too, and she's inclined to have a lie down or hide in the studio, or play with any nearby babies or kids to block out the energy of the crowd.

    Feeling genuinely free to just be relaxes everyone, I think...
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 11:31 AM on Nov. 23, 2010

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