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Why are middle school years so hard?

My 11 year old is not giving 100% in school. She is forgetful, and unorganized. School started in September and so far she has lost her cellphone,sweater, assignment planner, earrings, and flashdrive! All within a month. I am constantly replacing items. I have helped her organize her folders, work, back-pack, and locker on several occasions. I've sat with her and assisted with homework,that is if she remembers to bring her assignments home when given. Nothing is a big deal to her. She once got a D on a test and told me that at least it was passing and that she didn't understand why I was upset with her. She mentioned that she didn't bother to study for the test. I asked her why she thought it is acceptable to get a D? When I constantly stay on her about studying for tests and quizzes in order to get an A. And I always ask when they are in order to assist with studying? informatio.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:30 PM on Nov. 4, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (12)
  • my kids go to a small school that has like 300 childern from p-12 grade and they have gotten to the point no cell phone cause the kids cheat and they text and they send threating text and they have also been stolen so kids have to call from the office, and some schools now have a interent that teacher posts grades and i would talk to the teacher tyhat you feel your child doesn';t care for her grades witch you need to take things away and be strong with her to let her know you mean it and i won't even take that from my child..

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:38 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • Don't feel bad hon, my 10 yr old son was always the most obedient, responsible, hard-working star student...........this year (4th grade) he is so off the mark!!!! He is lazy and difficult about his homework. He has lost a lot of privilages and cried because all of a sudden he's too tired and he doesn't get it. sigh..... I talk to his teacher everyday (I work at his school) and she says this always happens at age 10,11 and 12. They are so caught up in making friends and finding a place in a peer group that the academic part of school goes on the back burner. I am told it goes away lol after a couple of years.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:29 AM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • I would back off. It sounds like you are doing everything for her and she is looking to exhibit some independence and control over her life. I went through this with my oldest as well and one day his teacher said "When are you going to stop saving him"

    I had to learn to let him make the mistakes. If she loses her cell phone again don't replace it. it is almost like she knows no matter what she does you are going to be there to fix things. I know it is hard to see your kids go through this, but they have to.

    Good Luck

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 6:52 AM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • The only help you can give her is .....Natural Consequence's!

     Do not replace the lost stuff,

    do not help her study unless she needs/asks for help, and enforce consequence's, for grades below c-'s!

    It is called, tough love for a reason, she forgets lunch, do not bring it. She will remember next time. She gets a bad grade, she gets grounded for a weekend, she will study next time. Etc Etc etc.. It is hard as mothers to let them sink a little, but she needs to be able to pick herself up.


    Answer by MikkiB at 10:13 AM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • Remember when she was a toddler and started walking? when she would fall down, did you run over and set her back up again? No, because she had to learn to get up and start again. well at this age, mothers need to give the same love. Let her sink a little in order to learn to swim, in life. You cannot keep covering her, she needs to learn to be bigger.
    Set the rules and boundries, and encourage her daily.

    Answer by MikkiB at 10:17 AM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • Exactly what these ladies sd...TOUGH LOVE!!...She will snap out of it, if you stop replacing her stuff and ground her for grades less than a C. Oh she'll get it together then! lol

    Answer by YanniSmoMMy at 3:41 PM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • I'm with the other posters who stated do not replace the things she loses. By replacing the items that she does not pay attention to you , you're not forcing her to start taking responsibility for herself. If she loses her phone and you replace it what is going to make her be more careful with the new one? Perhaps the natural fall out of her being inattentive will shake her into waking up and doing better same thing with her grades, it's going to be awful to have to spend summer in school because she didn't do her work the first time around.

    Answer by bubblycute at 4:14 PM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • The only thing that I've absolutely had to replace was the flashdrive. The teachers at her school require that all students have them. No exceptions. A parent asked at a PTA meeting about when students continue to lose them and 100% of the teachers suggested we buy a few to ensure that our kids are never without them. I am noticing that she adapts to those situations of things being taken away from her. My thoughts now are is she really learning the lessons of punishment because she turns around and she does the same thing again later. I almost feel as if she just goes through the motions of punishment without fretting and when the consequences are over... she does the same thing down the line again. I am finding myself going over the same issues with her and punishing her for the same things over and over again.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:53 PM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • Hang in grandson was the same way and now that he is in his first year of high school everything has turned around 180 degrees!!! He's up early, no fussing, likes his classes, likes his school and to quote him "they don't treat you like a baby"!!!!
    He just got his first Honor's English grade a "97"!!!!!
    There are answers to prayers!!!!!
    We just continue to pray and pray it continues!!!!!

    Answer by vstarwoman at 11:20 PM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • WOW OP! I have never heard of a flashdrive being a required school supply. My son was given a list of required supplies and another teacher made a copy of it. Apparently, schools can not demand that children buy certain items because the poverty stricken children get left behind. I don't know if this varies state to state or it is blanketed by the "No Child Left Behind Act. Hmmmmm, I should have just written a post lol. The earlier responses were really good!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

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