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4 Bumps

Would you continue a relationship with family just because they are family?

If your family (parents, siblings, etc) was generally not good people (abusive or whatever), would you still choose to have a relationship with them and let your child(ren) have a relationship with them or would you cut off all ties? Why or why not?

I see posts sometimes where someone says she comes from an abusive background, but will still continue to have relations with that person(s). I don't understand that. I know some will probably answer "because family is family," but I don't believe that's true or rather I don't believe it's valid reasoning.

I ask, because I'm cutting off all ties with my family (fortunately we're separated by a great distance, so shouldn't be too difficult).

 
thatgirl70

Asked by thatgirl70 at 1:40 PM on Nov. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 27 (29,531 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • No. Being "family" is not a good enough reason on it's own. Don't feel bad about cutting ties. It's just one of those things that is necessary sometimes. Personally, & this is probably pretty judgmental of me but, when I here people who have been screwed over by family but, they still have relationship woth those ffamily members, I think one of two things: DENIAL or IT WASN'T THAT BAD.

    I just don't believe it can EVER be healthy to reesatablish a realtionship with people who beat you, put you in dangerous situations, neglected you, molested you, raped you, verbally abused you, manipulated you, used you, denied you something you needed or some other terrible stuff. I'm sure some disagree but, I do not think it can ever be healthy. & if it has no chance of being healthy it isn't worth having in your life. JMO
    BubbaLuva

    Answer by BubbaLuva at 1:57 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • No I won't stay in a relationship with anyone that hurts me or makes my life hell. It's not healthy. Sometimes family will use the "but I'm your _______________how could you tell me no!" crap to manipulate.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 1:41 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • uhhmmmmm... more like keep em at arm's length. I wouldn't talk to em much, except on holidays and special events.
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 1:42 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • I have been on both sides of the fence. My mother passed on 4 years ago; leaving me;my sister; and our two brothers-one of whom doesn't want anything to do with the rest of us. The other three of us are very close; and talk quite often; but we all miss the other brother terribly; especially at holiday gatherings. It is a sad situation; but none of us know how to fix it. My sister and brother-in-law lived with Mom for the last 17 years; they were there to take care of the animals;(she had cattle); and to help her with whatever she needed help with. Mom left them The Ranch-which was a relief for me because there is no way I would want the responsibilities that come with it! My brother who was NEVER there to help paint. clean. re-roof; do anything including help with the last 6 months of her life with caregiving is very upset about this! It's never going to be better; so we just deal with it!
    MamaAlice54

    Answer by MamaAlice54 at 2:27 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • I have a sister who is a total sociopath (seriously), I have no relationship with her, nor do my kids, and I do not intend on changing that! She is NUTS!

    bjojola

    Answer by bjojola at 1:41 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • I was adopted my my grandmother because my real mom wanted nothing to do with me but she still had the right to come and get us whenever she wanted and when we were with her it was bad and i want nothing to do with her family or her. so no i do not feel u have to keep intouch with them because they are family . but that is something you have to live with for me i have forgiving her and i am now at peace but i refuse for my kid to go through what i did when i was with her so he will never see her and i cut her out my life.

    hope this helps
    bjsmom_armywife

    Answer by bjsmom_armywife at 1:48 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • If someone was abusive I would absolutely not have them in my life period. If someone abused me physically or sexually I would press charges immediately, if it was my child I would... well, you get the point I am sure. If someone was annoying to me or didn't have the best personality but was my family I would not just cut all ties. Most things can be worked out, I think, and I am a strong person so I can't easily be guilted or manipulated into things- like I know a lot of people have MIL's who try to control their life, etc. Family really is a special bond, because there is so much life history shared and because (at least in my family) they are the people most reliable when you really need someone. I guess my bottom line is that cutting a family member out of my life isn't something I would take lightly, but if there was a level of mistreatment that warranted it, I would do it to protect myself, DH and DD.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:52 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • I think it depends. My mother was mentally ill and my stepfather was a terrible abusive selfish man. My mothers family basically didn't talk to my mom but they all stayed close to each other. It was sad growing up an outcast for something I had no control over.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 2:05 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Family or not if they aren't good people, treat me or my family (kids/DH) poorly, etc then they won't be apart of our lives.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 2:24 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • No.
    Mme.Langley

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 2:34 PM on Nov. 23, 2010