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2 Bumps

how to forgive

i am having a problem with forgiveness and it's affecting my relationship. things that has went on in the past i am just not over..he really hurt me. i am letting those things affect my sexual relationship and my heart feels like it shut down.

 
KheiyahIsLife

Asked by KheiyahIsLife at 2:28 PM on Nov. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 9 (295 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Forgive yourself.

    It is not possible to give someone else anything you can't give yourself... and you're probably hanging onto this at least in part because of how you provoked it, ignored it so you didn't have to deal with it, or actively encouraged it. The fact that you picked him, the fact that you decided in some moment to stay, that you caved in or put aside your values... something, in fact, that is 100% down to you.

    Yes, he did --whatever he did-- but you were right there on the whole lead-in, and for all the fallout, including whatever vicious revenge you decided to take out on him. Even if it was fully justified, if it was harsh and cruel, you now know you are harsh and cruel. Yay.

    Before you have any room in your heart to forgive him, you have to accept the reality in its entirely of your responsibility in the whole mess. Including your choice to think about it over and over and over this long after it's over.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 2:48 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Forgiveness is for you not for him. You cheat yourself out of blessings when you harbor that unforgiveness. So if you want good things in your life then let it go. It does not mean you forget. I does give you an opportunity to learn from the experience and grow as a person. You give too much power to the negative (whatever it was that hurt you) and you stay stuck there. Give yourself power in your life and move on.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:39 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Forget the forgive part. You don't do the forgiving for anyone, not you, not him. Forgiving him is just a nice way of saying that you've given in and let go of whatever little bit of dignity, pride and self respect you had left. Once the relationship gets to the point where you think you have to do forgiving and forgetting, blah, blah, blah...then as one my ghetto girlfriends tells me "it's a wrap".
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 3:23 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Can you give us a little bit more detail about the things that were done?
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 2:31 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • You will be able to have forgiveness when you are ready, when the pain clears a little. It is going to take a lot of time if you are really feeling hurt and rejected. Try not to worry about forgiving right now, try to something to do with your time as a distraction. Learn a new skill or pick up a new hobby and let it hurt for awhile. Time heals and it will pass, it just takes a LOT of time.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 2:33 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • talking to other females, left me, verbal and physical abuse, terrible rage...etc
    this is more than one thing, sounds like a large personality fault-to put it nicely

    maybe, just maybe you are having a hard time "forgiving" because part of you thinks this will happen again
    if you forgive him, then when it happens again you will be more hurt than if you hold onto the hurt of what he did

    does this make sense, not that you are thinking and doing this outright, but a safetynet your heart needs
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 2:57 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • talking to other females, left me, verbal and physical abuse, terrible rage...etc
    KheiyahIsLife

    Comment by KheiyahIsLife (original poster) at 2:45 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • talking to other females, left me, verbal and physical abuse, terrible rage...etc
    those things in my book are not forgiveable... from what i have seen men like that never change! i don't blame you... maybe you should seek a lil counseling for the damage that has been caused...
    BobbieJo286

    Answer by BobbieJo286 at 3:58 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • id seek counseling for you and leave him. he doesnt sound like a good man, especially if he's been verbally and physically abusive. once you've left him, then think about what you need to move on and become a stronger person inside as well as outside. good luck!
    ginnylyn

    Answer by ginnylyn at 9:37 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

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