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Kids don't want to go with dad

I went to court today against my twins' dad and the judge awarded him thanksgiving, but my kids started crying, because they don't want to go. All they've talked about for weeks is seeing everyone at grandma great's house. He has never wanted them for any holidays, and never even calls on their birthday. He claims I don't let him have visitation, but he never asks to see them or even calls to talk to them. I think it should be up to the kids after 8 years of nothing.

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sweet29mom

Asked by sweet29mom at 5:07 PM on Nov. 23, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 18 (5,093 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • unfortunatly they have to do as the judge says and go back to court again
    miritrose

    Answer by miritrose at 5:15 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • HUGS to you all. I"m sorry that the kids are upset. If YOU can try to be positive, like it's a good thing (and you're probably a better woman than I am if you can).....Dad might just take them for a couple of hours and want to bring them back if they keep crying. I'm so sorry. Try to be brave, send them off like it will be fun. And document whatever happens. Good luck to you.
    kjrn79

    Answer by kjrn79 at 5:22 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Just hug them and tell them to try to have a great time and maybe you can take them to see grandma great when they get back. Its ok t tell them you are disappointed too but y are sure they will have a great time with their dad. Dont let them see you really upset/angry/down about it.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 5:23 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • The best thing you can do for them is be upbeat. I go through this with my kids too - they all want to go to my parents house with me and see all their cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. rather than spend holidays with just their dad (he's not close to any of his family). But I know if I made it seem like I was really upset and sympathizing with them, it would just make it worse. So I try to be as positive as I can and keep things matter of fact.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 5:24 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • He has not seen them in over a year, and hasn't had them overnight in 5 years, and doesn't have anything to do with them if I am in a relationship -- he didn't see them for 4 years when I was living with a bf.
    sweet29mom

    Comment by sweet29mom (original poster) at 5:27 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • Oh my goodness! I am sorry for you and the kids. I am watching a friend of mine go through this right now and it breaks my heart. Her kids will call her at work crying because they don't want to go with their Dad. I hope they do okay and I am sorry that you have to deal with this. The only thing you can do is try to be positive with them so that maybe they can feel better about going and not be so sad.
    Peajewel

    Answer by Peajewel at 6:45 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • I'm so sorry, this must be so hard. I hope he is honestly trying to mend his relationship with them & maybe the kids will pick up on this after they spend the day with him. I can't imagine how hard this will be, but if it were me, I would try to pretend that this is a great adventure, reinforce how very much their dad loves them and what a great time they are going to have. Oh, and I'd make sure they have their own cell phone to call me if needed **wink**. I hope this works out for you and your children!
    MomIWant

    Answer by MomIWant at 10:05 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • that sucks so bad. i would get out a video cam and tape their reactions to leaving with daddy and reactions coming back from daddy and use that as supporting evidence that the children do not want to be with him esp on holidays. if they are over 8 have them journal about their feelings about what the judge did - DO NOT COACH THEM!! save them for future evidence.
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 12:33 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • That really does suck, but if you go against the judge that will be contempt and will cause a LOT of problems for you. I am so sorry you are dealing with this though.. It seems this happens to so many people I know. :(
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 7:29 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

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