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4 Bumps

how can you erase or try to forget or forget your cheating husband?

should I forgive my husband for cheating on me? He says that it was a big mistake, but I don't beleive him

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Asked by germania63 at 5:18 PM on Nov. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (52 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • i dont know, should you?

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:21 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • That all depends on you and your situation. If you are willing to forgive him then he needs to show you how much you mean to him. You need to be able to forgive bot not necessarily forget. Just dont throw it back in his face if you really feel youre ready to work on it. He needs to accept that there is most likely no trust until you feel completely ready to give it to him. If you really wanna make this work then go to counseling and take your own space and time into consideration. I really hope things work out for you. Best Wishes :)

    Answer by Steph319 at 5:21 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • From my personal experience.

    You will never forget. Regardless if you forgive or not.. Divorce or not.. You will never forget. The human brain has a strange way of really holding on to painful/traumatic memories. With that said. The memories do change over time. The perception changes with understanding, acceptance and time. But they are never forgotten.

    Forgiveness can only come from within yourself. Again, time, perception, changes in understanding and acceptance play a part in forgiveness as well. Forgiveness can happen even though forgetting does not.

    It takes YEARS to recover and rebuild from infidelity if a couple chooses to reconcile and rebuild together. It takes: lots of time, lots of tears, lots of cold hard honesty, lots of work and lots of effort on BOTH partners part. It can not and does not happen overnight. And it can not happen by just saying:" oops it was a mistake let's move on"..

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:22 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • i find it very interesting how you phrased your question
    you used cheating and not cheated
    also said you do not believe him
    so i assume you think he is still cheating
    how could you forgive if he is lying to your face and still cheating

    if you said cheated, then you could start process, if he was sorry and he wanted to do the work along with you
    but sorry, if you think he is still cheating, and therefore lying to your face, but better at hiding his lies, then you can even start to forgive
    just my opinion

    Answer by fiatpax at 5:23 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • You have to realize that cheating isn't an "oopsie". Your husband, with his full facilities about him, decided consciously to cheat on you. How is that forgivable? He knew it would devastate you, hurt you, anger you, but he did it anyways. It's a gross selfish act and he doesn't deserve forgiveness.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 5:24 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • You can't. You have the option to forgive, but the truth is you can't really forget. What you CAN do is learn to live with the fact that the past is the past... OR... you have the option to not move on and suffer (which frankly isn't worth it). Forgiveness isn't done for them, it's done for you, it's a way for YOU to accept what happened and move on, which is really the best you can do.

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 5:32 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • A lot of very happy marriages have bad things happen in them... that the 'for worse' part of the commitment.

    You don't need to erase it, or even forget it. You need to forgive...

    Lots of things are forgivable, but it's easier to do when you take responsibility for your part --whether it was treating someone with contempt, being critical or controlling, using threats or punishment, blaming and finding fault, pretending everything is fine or that nothing matters, being intentionally naive, or selecting partners you have no reason to trust in the first place...

    It doesn't matter if anyone is sorry. The only thing that matters to anyone is behaviour. Which is why tone of voice matters so much to people --it conveys contempt better than anything else. It's why paying actual attention --with eye contact and brain engagement and everything--matters. In time, you'll see his trust. Or not.

    Nothing in a marriage happens in a vacuum.

    Answer by LindaClement at 5:54 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • I am sorry, we are in the same boat. :(. Best wishes.

    Answer by bratgirln1 at 6:03 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • I was in your shoes too and I'm still here and he still denies it and I still love him but if he dare to do it one more time he will lose me forever!!!!

    Answer by Darla47 at 6:10 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

  • If you have any doubt that it will happen again, chances are you won't forget the incident until you are satisfied in knowing that he really is sincere about it not happening again.

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 6:42 PM on Nov. 23, 2010

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