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6 Bumps

I think we should just go for full custody you agree

My very- soon -to- be- husband is a doormat especially when it comes to his ex wife and mother of his children !

They came up with this stupid arrangement that everyday, my husband gets them from school, and they stay here for an hour 1/2 - 2hours until she gets off of work, and then every other weekend they are here.... when they have days off of school they are here all day, and during the summer they are here all day ...... my husband works midnight shift, when he gets home he has to sleep and then as soon as he wakes up he has to watch them, by the time we leave we have to get supper and he gets ready to go to work again.... it is just so choppy and a mess, we cant even feel like a real life together or a real family because it is crazy to have this kind of schedule.... if you think of it he doesnt even get a break for himself or for us.....

I have been talking to him and trying to get him to think that it would be better to try and get full custody of them, then he could work a regular work schedule ( during the day when they are at school ) ... and if she wanted to see them she could be the one having to spend her evenings running here and there to get them and bring them back ! Not to mention we would be the ones getting child support instead of paying it and that would also let my hubby work less !!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:13 AM on Nov. 24, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Answers (34)
  • sounds like a good idea, bump

    Answer by meagan678 at 12:15 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • Sounds good but I think she will fight you on it because she will lose money and of the stigma associated with moms not having any custody of their kids. I hope you are able to work something out that is a little more reflective of the day to day situation but definitely be prepared for a fight! GL!

    Answer by katie23 at 12:19 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • That dawg won't hunt I am afraid. You knew the schedule going into this relationship and soon to be marriage. Those are not grounds to have custody revoked from the mother. You are about to marry a man with children and financial obligations to those children and you are going to have to adapt. It's probably what you don't want to hear, but I can't see any judge changing the custody arrangement because of your soon to be husband's work schedule.

    Answer by Izsarejman at 12:20 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • You sound like my Dh about the "regular work schedule" Ok I work 3rd shift. I go to sleep when they get on the bus, I get up when they get off the bus. I'm drinking my coffee as they are getting their after school snacks. Still drinking my coffee as I help with homework. I make supper, they take baths, they go to bed, I go to work. If he was working days, it would be he gets home most likely after they do, homework, supper, baths, bed. Schedule would still be hectic! Trust me, done days and done nights. I would much rather do nights. Unless your Dh wants to change it, don't. I think that it's nice that he watches them rather than them going to a sitter or after school care of some sort. Plus both parents get to see them every day, and can be active in their lives.


    Answer by fallnangel3 at 12:24 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • no.

    Answer by RoseWall at 12:24 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • I'm afraid you probably won't win, and court will cost you a lot, plus it will put more stress on the kids if you fight this. I understand it's a hassle, but the kids would probably be in after school care somewhere, and their dad chose to have that time with them instead....what a great decision he made there...yes it's a hassle, but he gets more time with his kids that way, otherwise, some stranger or activity program would have them.....and he could be helping to pay for that too.

    Marrying someone with kids definitely has it's baggage. Good Luck.

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:27 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • are you kidding me?! what has she done to deserve to get custody of her children taken away? he's not being a doormat, he's being a descent father to HIS children. If you don't want any of that... i'm sure you know where the door is. Do you have any children?... bc believe me, if she is a good mother she will fight your ass for those kids... and in the end you're going to end up messing everything up for you soon to be husband. maybe he should change his schedule around the kids. sounds like she works too.. not like she's just running around doing whatever. I'm not trying to be rude... but this is just ridiculous.. yes ppl with children have obligations to the.

    Answer by young-not-dumb at 12:27 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • Good luck with that. He has to work to support them. They were his kids long before you came into the picture. I'm gathering you would not like it if you had children with another man and his new wife wanted to take them from you because of your husband's work schedule. You would be on here tooting a different horn about the stepmother wanting to fight for custody. It's a crappy situation, but you all have to make the best of it and find some common ground.

    Answer by bubsiclesmom at 12:30 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • No, I don't think this mother deserves to lose custody of her children. You most likely wouldn't win, and I don't think you should, sorry.

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 12:34 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • Wow, you may think it is a stupid arrangement but THE CHILDREN'S PARENTS agreed upon it, if you don't like it and will be unhappy unless it changes you need to not marry him. Oh and just so you know, it is VERY unlikely that a judge will take children from a mother and give the father full custody unless the mother is neglectful or abusive ect. I think it is great that they worked out a schedule where the children dont have to go to before or after school care and get to spend more time with their dad. Oh and just so you know, if they had to have child care instead of going to their dad's, he would have to pay between 50-75% of that cost too. You are the one who needs to learn to adjust, you don't have the right to come in and change everything you are not a parent and you knew the situation before you agreed to marry him.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 2:27 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

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