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RE: My step son will not do what I say.

My husband and I have been married for 3 years, his son came to live with us during his junior year in high school. He is now a senior, and 18years old. He always do the oposite of what I tell him. If I say go right hie will go left. I have three of my own children.

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TammyLoraine

Asked by TammyLoraine at 7:00 AM on Nov. 24, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Has he always been this way? I would talk to your husband about this....It sounds like he needs to sit down and have a talk with his child. I might not have always liked my step parents but I always did what I was told to do by them....even when I was grown and out of the house...If they asked me to do something when I was there...I did it.....Boy needs to learn respect....
    Shelii

    Answer by Shelii at 7:04 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • Your dh needs to be the one to lay down the rules. He needs to explain to him that yes, he's 18, and that makes him a legal adult, but that's a double edged sword... If he's an adult, and wants to be treated as such, then he needs to be adult enough to respect the house rules or move out (and support himself....) If he's not adult enough / in a position to do this (and since he's still in hs, I'm guessing not ready for this yet...) anyway - if he's not "adult enough" to live on his own and support himself, then that means he's still child enough that he has to follow the rules.

    (btw - this is the philosophy we have with our ds, who's also a Senior and will be 18 in just over a month)
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:19 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • If all 4 children are still at home I would post a family rules list. ( Idea from Supernanny). Do this list with your husband's input. Then have a family meeting with all of you there and make it clear what is allowed and what isn't. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:25 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • I think the raising of him should be left to his father if he will not listen to you.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 7:25 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • It is his father's job to discipline. Your ss should respect you though no matter what age as long as lives under you rroof.
    Shanna84

    Answer by Shanna84 at 8:52 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • sorry but your husband need to lay down the law as to how your to be treated and if he cant follow them then he goes to live else where....good luck
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 10:04 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • He is 18 that explains some of it. If he obeyed you in the past it may just be he is trying out being a grown up and making his own decisions. Society says they are adults (if they are in collage you dont get their grades they do, the Dr. can't tell you anything unless child gives permission) so they want to be one. Often they think that means they can do as they please and not listen.
    Dad needs to have big part in handling this also.
    chris219

    Answer by chris219 at 12:17 AM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • He probably does it on purpose to get you mad. I would tell your husband to have a serious talk with him!
    NicolesMommy

    Answer by NicolesMommy at 1:28 AM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • Your husband definitely needs to have a sit down chat with him and lay down the law of respect!!! If you don't have his support and backing, you might as well forget getting anywhere with this!! Teenagers are tough. I should know, I raised two of my own. It's even more difficult (I would imagine) if the teen is NOT your own. I still battle with my son about him doing his own laundry and mowing the yard. They really do like to test you!! But you have to be firm and not let him get the upper hand. Or else he will continue to walk all over you. Not acceptable!!!
    partygal19dani

    Answer by partygal19dani at 9:41 AM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • In my experience, the father needs to lay down the house rules. It's your house! I once asked that my stepson (former) go live with his mom and step-dad in order to learn that his behavior was unacceptable in any part of his family. I have a 34-year-old stepson now who acts like he's 14 just like he was when his mother died and an older one who is respectful and loving. When we moved from L.A. to Florida, I told him that he was living in MY house now, not his mom's and that what I say goes, so to speak. We had a fair relationship for a long time. Now, he's in trouble and won't go to Rehab or counseling. Any help at all? Dad definitely needs to be available to the young man - always.
    bleuidgramma

    Answer by bleuidgramma at 7:56 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

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