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To any stepmoms out there....

I've had trouble bonding with my 10yr old stepson. It's been really awkward. It's hard to explain. Things just feel different when he's around. Any suggestions how get closer. We have a son that's 2yrs together and he monopolizes all my time. And I feel such a close bond with him I worry that I'll never feel that with my stepson. I prob sound like a horrible person.

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:46 AM on Nov. 24, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (7)
  • Im not a step mom but...I went through this with my step parents. Try having a day where it is just the 2 of you....go to lunch and do some things that he likes to do....Thats what helped with me and my stepdad....It was kinda weird at first but it didnt take to long for me to warm up to him more and him turn into more of a dad then a stepdad. And no you are not a horrible person for worring that you wont have a close bond to your step child....there are a lot of people who wouldnt care because its not their child....that is when IMO it would be horrible. Good luck and I hope things work out.

    Answer by Shelii at 7:50 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • It's very difficult being a stepmom. They don't want to get too close to you incase it doesn't work out with dad and they don't want to disrepect their mom either and have their mom know that they like you. I would try to maybe just be there for him have some time together make things special when he is around. It took a few years before I got close enough to my own stepsons now they feel like I am their mom. Their mom is a nut job anyway but still their mom. When my youngest stepson introduces us he says these are my parents.
    You are not a horrible person don't think like that. Just keep trying it will all work out and let dad discipline his child but work out what that displine will be so you aren't disappointed. GL!

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 7:58 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • You're not horrible, you're normal, very normal. You don't mention how often your stepson is with you. If he's over only 2 nights a month that makes it maybe more challenging than say if you're custodial. Do what feels natural for you as far as talking to him or doing this with him. See if there's anything you two have in common. I wouldn't try to force the relationship, but let it take a natural progression. Here's something else, you might never have the same close bond with him as you do your own. Don't try to live up to that lofty goal. I love my stepson, but its a different love than what I have for my own kid.

    Answer by LittleD96 at 8:36 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • You don't sound horrible. The fact that you are worried makes you a good person. The truth is, you may never bond with him, so don't be upset if it does not happen. It is art you and part him. I would try to include him in taking care of your son or doing things with the 3 of you. Make sure you and your dh make time for just him as well, take the baby to the sitter. I have a 14 yo sd, some days we get along great and she tells me things and some days it is awkward and she is introverted towards me. It depends on her mood as well, not just my feelings.

    Answer by Shanna84 at 8:38 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • I love my stepdaughter very much, but it is definitely a different kind of love and different kind of bond than I feel with my children that I gave birth to. I don't think that makes me a bad person or a bad stepmom. You'll probably never really feel the same about him as your own child because it's really not the same, but you can still develop a bond with him that is unique and wonderful in it's own way. Develop a shared interest with him, be it cooking or rocketry or martial arts. That will give you a reason to spend time together and something to talk about. And just build from there.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 9:52 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • yes i was a stepmom before i was i mom

    Answer by dorispierce at 1:29 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • No you are not a bad person its normal..i am a stepmom of a 9 yr old boy who is lazy, rude and disrspectful to me and his dad thinks he can do no wrong. We also have a 3 yr daughter together and i love her so much but not him like that. I care for him but i DO NOT love him and i dont know if i ever will. I dont think i am bad cause i really honestly try to treat him like i do my own but when he is being rude i ignore him cause i cant discipline him so its kinda hard..hope this helps..good luck

    Answer by Mrs.Norris at 3:57 AM on Nov. 25, 2010

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