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2 Bumps

Asking for your thoughts...

I have a friend that I met through work (female) over 7 years ago. Within the last year I seem to be the one keeping the friendship going. I typically do all the calling and/or emailing. When I've asked her why she never calls me anymore she says she just doesn't have time-she's busy! If I email her she will reply and when I call she does answer and we talk like we always do. By no means do I want to lose the friendship, but is it really fair that I do all the work?...what are your thoughts?


Asked by Queenofscrap at 9:45 AM on Nov. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Level 26 (26,231 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I have 2 friends like is frustrating. I love them both dearly & wish they would take more initative with maintaining our friendship. I have considered not making the effort anymore, since they do not make any themselves hardly ever.......but then I find myself reaching out to them anyway. I think some people are just wired to be "takers" more than they are "givers". If you are happy with your friend when you do get together or talk over the phone, & they are bringing joy to your life, then I think you should just accept them for the way they are, especially since you have already brought it to her attention that its bothering you & she hasn't changed her behavior.. She just isn't thoughtful like you are. Figure out what you can live with....or who you can live without, those are pretty much your options.

    Answer by Prettyladykt at 9:54 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • i think you should give her a break maybe theres something going on in her life she's not ready to talk about yet and she truly is buzy...just keep trying and be a good friend....

    Answer by cara124 at 9:48 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • I have a friend like that and after all it has been fifteen years but now we realize we are both way too busy but still get together twice a year and email Maybe you could set some time aside to go out and have lunch or dinner?

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:56 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • Fair it isn't, but never give up on a good friendship.

    Answer by older at 9:49 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • People are busy. If you want to keep the friendship up then do the footwork for it. Does it really matter who calls or emails first? Isnt the whole point just talking?

    Answer by KellyOh72 at 9:54 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • Thank you prettyladykt...your comment makes perfect sense....@older....I agree with you as well and like I mentioned above I would not end the friendship over me doing most of the main reason for posting the question, was that I'm thinking she was mad or upset with me and just not telling me, maybe. I don't know-you know how your mind starts rolling with "what ifs" because there is no other reasons that you can think of for the lack of interacting. Thanks all for your replies.

    Comment by Queenofscrap (original poster) at 10:02 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • I am friends for ppl like this so, I understand the situation. However, you can get pretty caught up in life and friendships can take the backseat. I would continue to be a friend but, do not do all of the work. When she is ready, she will call and email if a true friend. A friendship is not one person doing all of the leg work. Just as any relationship, it does take TWO :) I would still call and email, just not as often. Give her some breathing room and the oppertunity to contact you when able.

    Answer by CandyHorse at 10:49 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • she may be this kind of person

    i have a very dear friend, can go a long time inbetween seeingher, she never calls, never writes, does not even go on emails
    but when we do get together, it is like we were never apart, she appolgizes for not keeping in contact, i say that is just the way you are, she agrees but feels a bit guilty in her eyes, but after years like this i accpet her for her, love her, love her friendship, she is just not that type of person

    do not think of as work, if conntacting her is not an effort for you, think of it as a favor, maybe other woman is unable to-just not in her

    Answer by fiatpax at 11:34 AM on Nov. 24, 2010