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Selfish step daughters...

I am married to and madly in love with a wonderful man ! We are both in our early 50's and about to celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary !

We both have children from our first marriages ( he and his wife divorced almost 25 years ago, and my husband passed away 15 years ago ) ... My son and daughter are a big part of our daily life, they visit alot and they both live within walking distant, we even have a swing set in our backyard for our grandkids ( they call him papaw) ...

He has 2 daughters and we both have trouble dealing with them.. coming into our relationship i of course expected a nice relationship, I assumed we would all be a big family or atleast friendly to each other... but now after 5 years I just cannot take it anymore ( and neither can my husband) ...

They are 28 and 30 years old but they both act like mean little 15 year olds. They have always been welcome in our home but have only been here twice, and the whole time they wouldnt talk to anyone besides them selves, they literally and loudy made fun of other people in the room , aka my family ( it was a christmas party) ... They have told em they hate me and that it is my fault they do not have a relationship with their dad - even though he says they have acted this way long before we even met... We constantly have tried things to get them to be close to us - I alwasy invited them to do things with me and him and they would lie and say they would and that they were on their way over - but wouldnt show up ( they would even say they are a block away from the house and we would just wait and wait) ... A few months ago we bought football tickets ( the oldest is our state teams big fan) .. we had it all planned out, they said they would go and then an hour before we left ( when we called to say we were on our way) they asked if I was going ( they already knew I was ! ) and said they are not going because of me....

But the biggest blow was this past weekend we had a pre-thanksgiving thing since they cant make it on the real thanksgiving day - they only stayed 30 mintues and when one of their kids called me " mawmaw" she jerked him back and said " NO, that is not your mawmaw , never call her mamaw !.... it just hurt so badly that she would react that way, even if she didnt want him to call me that she didnt have to act like he just said a cuss word or soemthing....

I honestly have never done anything bad to them, I have never been rude ( even if I wanted to be ) /// my husband said he is ready to cut ties with them because of how they are, and that makes me hurt anymore because I dont think a family should be that way but we are out of options....

Do you think we should try harder or just give up?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:12 PM on Nov. 24, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Answers (13)
  • I wouldn't try any harder. They obviously don't have any intention of warming to you.

    If your DH feels the same way, I would let them know that they are no longer welcome at your home until they can at least be respectful.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 7:15 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • I agree. I wouldn't try any harder. I wish I could make it different for you. Hug
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:19 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • That is super rude. Dang, I am sorry.
    But you can't compare them to your children. Your children lost a parent due to death. His lost both due to conflict. They have experienced the marriage of their parents far differently then your children have.
    That is no excuse for acting like they are, but maybe it can help. You don't want to lose your relationship with the grandchildren.
    squish

    Answer by squish at 2:10 AM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • Well, as far as the name grandchildren call you....they can decide that. However, it should be done tactfully and BEFORE they come to your home. It is your home. So if in your home you have two adult women you treat you badly...don't invite them over to your home. If your husband wants a relationship perhaps he can invite them to dinner, out at a restaurant, once a month - without you. It is not giving in to them. It is a way for a father to be honest with his kids. Basically saying to them this: this woman is part of my life and if you can't be nice in OUR home you can't be in OUR home. We do events as a family so any invitation WE get I expect you to treat her with respect. I'm willing to have lunch or dinner with the two of you occasionally, but my family life/schedule is pretty busy (would love to have you involved...) but this is all I can do right now. Your choice. Then let them decide.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:11 AM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • You're right. They sound very immature for their age and quite spoiled. We teach people how to treat us. I would not tolerate their lies, or their disrespect to you. I would sit them both down with your husband and explain to them how hurt they make you feel. Tell them they don't have to ever like you, but out of respect for their father's marriage, they need to be respectful and courteous in your home. Tell them you won't tolerate them making fun of others under your roof. Also tell them that you have tried numerous times to establish a positive relationship with them and that you feel like they want to sabotage your marriage by telling lies and making you feel like you're a third wheel. Let them know that their father chose to marry you and they need to let go of the first marriage and move on. Good luck!
    twinkletoes0408

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 10:37 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • Darling, my heart just goes out to you! I'm so sorry that your step kids are putting both you & your husband through a lot of hell. In my opinion, you've  done everything that's humanly possible in getting along w/them to only have them reject you; therefore, it's best that you just give up & just donate all of your time & attention to your husband & the grandkids.

    NubianQueen78

    Answer by NubianQueen78 at 9:17 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • There is no "Step-Mother of the Year Award," so quit trying.

    If your husband wants a relationship with his children, leave it up to him. And find something else to do while he's out with them...

    Good Luck!
    GoodyBrook

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 10:26 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • It sounds like you've done all that you can. I would sit back and let your husband try to have a relationship with them on his own. Maybe they'll come around, maybe they won't. Either way you know that you've done all that you could.
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 10:29 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Stop wasting your time and heartache on them. They are grown and can make their own choices. Let it go, it is their loss, not yours.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 12:06 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • You clearly don't like them. So don't invite them over anymore.

    I wonder what their side of the story is?
    SuperChicken

    Answer by SuperChicken at 1:39 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

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