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Why does it have to be a competition between working and sahm's?

Why, if one says that they work hard, or talk about their position, does the other one take that as an insult to what they do? This works both ways, and I've seen this over-reaction from both sides. Just because someone says that what they do isn't always easy doesn't mean that they're saying the other has it perfect. Why the competition?

 
LovingSAHMommy

Asked by LovingSAHMommy at 7:20 PM on Nov. 24, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 40 (115,957 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Everyone has rough days whether they are SAHM or working moms. I really hate how competitive women are in general, but every once in a while you find a few friends who aren't that way. I have a friend who is a teacher, and she stayed home with her newborn son last summer, and as much as she loved being with him, she really felt relieved and more comfortable getting back at work this fall. She actually calls SAHMs SUPER-HEROES. LOL We all have different personalities, preferences, and even circumstances beyond our control, and each choice is valid and has it's pros and cons. Sometimes I miss working and interacting with grown ups more, but I made a choice to stay at home (at least until my DS is in school). I value the time I have with him, but I also respect that other moms will make different decisions than me on the working vs. stay at home issue and many others.
    pam19

    Answer by pam19 at 12:10 AM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • Because as a full time working mom I am jealous of someone who stays home and is Susie homemaker because that is what I want to be and can't!! And then she has the balls to complain how hard her life is, because she has all the home duties--while I have all the home duties, plus work and the parenting duties and the maint. of the house, alone. No it is not a competition but SAHM'S should at least admit that they have it good!! AND quit shoving it in my face!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:33 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • I don't usually see it as a competition, its just usually in how someone says things that irritate people if rub them wrong. For example, I work full time but for the last yr have been lucky to be able to do my job from home, which has its challenges also with my son home. Anyway I put on Facebook one day just a little something about working overtime. It's been mandatory for the better part of the past few yrs. My sahm sister comes back with "I would love a 9-5, I work 24/7" well, what do you think I do, lock my kids in the closet when work is over so I can relax? They either talk without thinking or just don't realize how they sound.
    MissAlisabeth

    Answer by MissAlisabeth at 8:20 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • LOL I always wonder that too! I have been both and can honestly say they are EQUALLY hard in very different ways. 1)SAHM's: it has been proven kids are smarter and more creative without you around all the time but I understand its hard missing so much not being around. 2) working moms: I know you feel like you are missing a lot, but you are still making a sacrafice for your family nonetheless and it should be looked up upon. Some working moms have no choice but to work.
    I am on both sides:)
    ABusyBee

    Answer by ABusyBee at 7:26 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • I think we all want to feel acknowledged and validated for how hard we work, regardless of where we fall in this argument. I think saying one is harder than the other isn't fair. Some women hare happier than others either way, whether they are SAH or working.
    Like all of the other choices we make in parenting, many feel the need to defend our decisions.
    Ultimately, I think we're all just doing the best we can.
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 7:32 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • And I will add I'm not saying only sahms can say insensitive things. I'm just a working mom so that's the side I have experience with. I don't care what someone chooses to do. Whatever works for your family and you.
    MissAlisabeth

    Answer by MissAlisabeth at 8:24 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • I agree, Abusybee. It's like, if I dare say that being a sahm is not always easy, some working moms take it to mean that I'm saying my job is harder than theirs. It's not a comparison! It has nothing to do with working moms. And Heaven forbid I say WHY you choose to be a sahm, or some women think that I'm insulting or comparing myself to them. Why can't we all talk about our lives without people taking everything so personally?
    LovingSAHMommy

    Comment by LovingSAHMommy (original poster) at 7:30 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • Because as a full time working mom I am jealous of someone who stays home and is Susie homemaker because that is what I want to be and can't!! And then she has the balls to complain how hard her life is, because she has all the home duties--while I have all the home duties, plus work and the parenting duties and the maint. of the house, alone. No it is not a competition but SAHM'S should at least admit that they have it good!! AND quit shoving it in my face!! "

    No one is shoving anything in your face, least of all me, so don't take it out on me. I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm not saying I am better than you, YOU are the one who is pretty much saying that. I don't complain about being a sahm, but I'm not going to lie and say that it's super fun and easy all the time either. I do have it good, I'll admit that. Maybe sahm's don't admit that they have it good to you because you'll tell them they're shoving THAT in your face.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Comment by LovingSAHMommy (original poster) at 7:37 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • And not to mention, more goes into a mothers life than whether or not she stay at home. There are other factors that effect our happiness and lives. There's more to a mother than "working" or "staying at home".
    LovingSAHMommy

    Comment by LovingSAHMommy (original poster) at 7:39 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • I'm a happy SAHM and don't complain about it because I know how blessed I am to be able to do what I do. Quite honestly, I don't understand WHY some SAHM's are so miserable.
    Bethsunshine

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 10:35 PM on Nov. 24, 2010