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My 13 year old daughter and a 14 year old boy.

there is a boy down the street that i think that she likes. he is 14 and he smokes, drinks, and chews tobacco. We live out in the country. So there are a lot of redneck/country guys. There aren't a lot of other choices for her. but this boy always gets in trouble at school and gets ISS. I have forbidden her to date him. I am wondering if she is. I ask her and she acted weird when she answered. I took her phone and computer. Did I do right? PLEASE HELP

Answer Question
 
ashley10342

Asked by ashley10342 at 10:39 PM on Nov. 24, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I just have to say that forbidden fruit is the best.
    dancinintherain

    Answer by dancinintherain at 10:40 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • I guess I would monitor her phone & comp use as opposed to take them away. I would get more involved in her life and keep her busy with safe things. I wouldn't allow her to wander around and possibly see this boy after school hours. Keep an eye out instead of punishing for what you don't even know is going on.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 10:41 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • yeah that boy is a bad news but taking her stuff away and letting her know u dont trust her wil push her away so do it in a sneaky way(:
    delanaelyse

    Answer by delanaelyse at 10:43 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • Telling her you don't want her to date him is the surest way to get her to date him lol
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 11:43 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • Recently i heard something that is kinda true when it comes to parenting... When trying to pull your kids back from something you are acting more as a sling shot & will send them shooting straight into the target which you where pulling them from..

    Its more important to give your child a high self-esteem, good standards & morals..
    if that boy is doing all that im sure he is having sex as well.. so make sure your dd knows up front what your values are and where u stand on sex.. but keep communication lines open & she is always welcome to come & talk to you about anything.. open lines of communication are very important!
    good luck!
    I know plenty time i ran straight to the bad guy & im sure its b/c my parents just "couldnt control me & keep me away from what i wanted".. maybe a simple "you can do better" would b more effective?
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 12:18 AM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • I have two thoughts. First, keep her really busy: babysitting, school sponsored groups, volunteer work, etc.

    Second, invite him to your home; treat him like a long lost family member; never leave the two of them unsupervised. Maybe your family will be a good influence on him; maybe she will see what a jerk he is.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:19 AM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • No you didn't do good! you are punishing her for something you think she might or might not have done!!! You have already express your wishes, just monitor for now and remember how teens rebel...............
    older

    Answer by older at 12:46 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • I wouldn't forbid her to date him as that's usually the one thing that will make a teen do exactly what they shouldn't do. What I wouldn't allow is a 14yo to date ANYONE, not even an honor student who volunteers all on their own accord at a homeless shelter. 14 is too young to date at all. What I would do (even if she didn't like a boy you didn't approve of or even approved of) is monitor her computer time & phone (by making her have to be in public spots in the house while on the computer or phone....kitchen, family room, living room, etc. and not in the privacy of her room), make sure that anywhere she goes you take her to and from, know her friends, etc.. Don't punish her...guide her and keep an eye on her but don't forbid or punish her.
    tracylynnr67

    Answer by tracylynnr67 at 1:24 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I agree with the mom who said only allow her to "see" him in supervised locations..invite him over to watch a movie..and watch it with them. Ive been on both sides of the fence..from the girls side and the boys. When he comes over let him know when he comes over that smoking, drinking and dipping are not acceptable in or around your house and if he wants to see your daughter, he will respect you and your wishes and not do it there. Also, maybe let them know that if he gets caught/in trouble for these things they will not be able to see each other. Good thing about rural communities is you can usually find info on other kids pretty quick. And as long as he shows respect in your home, show him respect also. Sometimes, all these "bad boys" need is someone to believe in them.
    tat2dprincess

    Answer by tat2dprincess at 4:24 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • talk to her calmly...the worst thing a parent can do is just assume and act upon it...at least make her think you trust her.my mother and i have the best trusting relationship which made it really easy to tell her anything through my teen years and even now that im pregnant.
    courtney_legg

    Answer by courtney_legg at 2:22 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

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