Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

7 Bumps

Does this mean I don't love my daughter?

I have 2 daughters, they are 17(Anna) and 8(Alexis). I am realizing every day I don't feel the same about them. I don't care about Anna or her life and I only take care of her because I have to. I mean, it's different with Alexis. Whith her, I am happy to help with homework, spend time etc. With Anna, I wouldn't do anything for her if I didn't have to. I have caught myself thinking "I can't wait until she gets 18 so she can leave the house".

I think it's because of the way Anna's father treated me. Alexis' dad is an amazing man but Anna's dad is a murderer who killed my father.

Of course Anna doesn't know that I feel this way and I won't tell her. I feel terrible.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:56 PM on Nov. 24, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (35)
  • I don't know. I think you need to see some sort of therapist. Your daughter (both of them) need you and who her dad was is not her fault. I feel so, so sorry for her, honestly.

    I'm not really sure what you're asking. We can't tell you whether or not you love your daughter. Only you truly know that.

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 11:58 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • I have amuch better relationship with my daughter than my son. It has a lot to do with my resentment to things that happend while I ws pregnant with him. WE never bonded. I have to *Make* myself like him. I love them both.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • Wow, that's really sad. I bet that's exactly why you feel the way you do. I'm sure Anna knows there's a difference in the way you treat them. Have you guys seen a family counselor? It might really help. Don't take out on your daughter what her father did. It's not her fault.

    Answer by musicpisces at 11:59 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • Sounds like there could be some resentment for her father that you are projecting on her. Try to find a common interest and see if you cant try and re-create that bond. you can't blame a child for the way their parent treated you. My son's father doesn't take care of him at all but to my son he is the greatest (when he sees him) and I would never take that away from my son. And I would never treat him differently for it. Could be you are acutally fearing her turning 18 and moving on with her own life and this is your way of pulling back so it won't hurt so much when your baby moves on and doesnt need you anymore. Just some thoughts...

    Answer by andria82 at 12:01 AM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • Wow, thats sad. Have you sought counseling? Does Anna look and or act like her father? Maybe this is why you resent her! I feel sad for both of you, because she must feel the resentment from you even if you try not to show it. What an awful thing for you to experience to!

    Answer by Kathy675 at 12:02 AM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • It is not Anna's fault her father is what he is and that he did what he did- she is innocent. I think counseling would be a good idea to help you (and Anna). Hopefully you can build a good relationship with Anna. I wish you luck and hope everything works out!

    Answer by MizLee at 12:02 AM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • I'm sure Anna doesn't know. I feel awful and I treat her just like I treat Alexis, sometimes even better so she won't know how I feel. I am starting counsoling in the morning but not with Anna, I don't want her to know something is wrong.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:03 AM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • No, Anna doesn't act like her father did. Some small habits, yeah, but she's a good kid. I find it hard to look at her, she looks just like him..

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:06 AM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • I love how I am honest and get voted down. I wanted the OP to know she is not the only one who has this problem. It is not uncommon. Love and like are two different things. I love my children equally. I would die for either of them. I relate better to my daughter. I know I never bonded well with my son. No it's not his fault but he will never know. I will always love him but I do haev to work harder to like him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:06 AM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • Thank you Anon, you shouldn't have been voted down for being honest and helpful..

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:10 AM on Nov. 25, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.