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2 Bumps

How to deal with this SENSIBLY...?! adult content

A while ago I had a baby, she was extremely premature and she passed away a couple of days after I had her. I'm not going to go into detail, but, basically, since then, all I've wanted is a baby. I don't feel I'm in a financial position to have one, and don't have a stable partner. I know this isn't a solution, but I guess that question is: what is? How do I come to terms with it and move on? I'm stuck in the past, even down to being attached to the ex (who I don't even see anymore) that fathered her. I don't want to forget her but I know I should. Wow, I'm ranting. I'm sorry... So yes, help?

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:51 PM on Nov. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • You don't have to forget her but it would be a sad thing if she knew that mommy was stuck in the past. Go on and live your life...if nothing else than to honor her memory. You should realize that everything happens for a reason and maybe hers was to show you how to move on past the hard stuff.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 6:53 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • Know that you won't forget. As the leader of my widows group has pointed out so many times, those we have loved become a part of us - we carry them forward with us always.

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 6:57 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • Never forget her but she wouldn't want you bogged down and not living a full life. Be all you can be in this life time, for her.

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:00 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • I too lost children I totally understand!!
    Are you prepared to be a single parent? I was but it is hard!! and lonely!!
    Personally I would say go have a few one night stands till you get pregnant then you can't be for sure who the dad is so no messy situation there. Make sure your next pregnancy you are followed by a high risk Dr (Neonatologist) and I totally wish you the best of luck!!

    Answer by mom2priceboys at 7:01 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • first sorry for your loss, also you don't need to forget her, because i've never loss a child so i can't say i know how you feel, i will say that it is difficult, and i pray for you. now it is natural to want to have another child and that is fine, you just want to make sure that the man you have a child with wants what you want and is willing to help you deal with the loss of your daughter. in time things will get better i wish you all the luck on having a baby, with the right man.

    Answer by mememommie at 7:02 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • You will never forget her, and thats ok. I would suggest getting some counseling, someone that can help you deal with your grief. There will always be a hole in your heart where her memory lives, but you can learn to move on with life.

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 7:07 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • hugs


    Answer by fiatpax at 7:15 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • Check with your local hosptial. There are support groups for grieving parents in almost every city/town. And that's what you are. A grieving parent. Your desire to have another baby being fed by your mind trying to work thru the grief. But even if you have another baby - its not the one you lost. You will still have that grief to deal with, but now you will be trying to work thru it with a newborn baby who wants your full attention, except you will not being there 100% due to your grief. So seek out grief counseling and also a parents support group. Take the time to come to terms with her passing and to get your life in order. That way when you are in a stable relationship, financial secure, and feel the desire to bring a baby into the world, you will be there 100% for that baby. Good luck and take care!

    Answer by karamille at 7:20 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • I am so sorry for your loss. I became obssesed with having a baby after one of my miscarriages. Talk to a therapist and get into a grieving parents group. Some of this could be hormonal so you may need medicine. You are not the only person to feel this way and the support of other people may help. I am happy you realize having another child is not the best way to deal with your feelings and you are right. Message me if you need to talk, I will listen. Try to keep as busy as you can so you don't sit and dwell on your loneliness. You don't say how long it has been since your baby died but this may just be a normal part of your grieving process.

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 7:59 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • I'm so sorry hun! The only advice that I have for you is to see a professional. No matter what it cost. YOU are worth it.

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 12:27 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

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