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3 Bumps

When children of abuse become parents....

When children of abuse grow up and become parents, statistically we are more likely to abuse. :o( But for those of use who are breaking that cycle, what resources are there? Books? Support groups?
Anyone else in this situation?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:00 PM on Nov. 25, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (20)
  • Yes, books and support groups and parenting classes and counseling and playgroups and so many resources!
    jinxandjoy

    Answer by jinxandjoy at 8:04 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • I was physically and mentally abused as a child. Decided then that when I became a parent I would respect & love my kids..They are now 24 & 20 and my best friends! No relationship with my parents in at least 14 years, their loss!
    Kathy675

    Answer by Kathy675 at 8:08 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • I just used my upbringing as an example of what not to do.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 8:16 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • i was and still am mentally abused and DF was physically abused.. its a hard line to walk to keep us both happy in our parenting but we keep eachother stable
    2boysmommy.js

    Answer by 2boysmommy.js at 8:22 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • As another said, you use your upbringing. I remember how bad I felt and how I knew "this isn't how a parent would treat me if they loved me". I made it a goal to NEVER have my daughter feel that. I never want her to question my love for her. That helps to be logical, fair, and affectionate.
    jus1jess

    Answer by jus1jess at 8:43 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • My mom was abused terribly and have never even been remotely abusive. I think she took her bad experience and turned herself into a wonderful mother. She just believed that she was going to rise above it, and did.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 9:11 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • I broke the cycle of abuse when I separated from my ex-husband. I suspect that in his family the mistreatment went back generations... WHAT A NIGHTMARE !!! Yes,---I read plenty of books about abuse.
    IndigoRose

    Answer by IndigoRose at 9:14 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • No offense, but all of these are obvious and not really helpful.

    Specific book recommendations, or specific websites, support groups, etc.

    Saying "well, just don't parent like they did" seems a lot like telling a teenager "don't get pregnant", without offering further info.

    Again, I mean no offense. Just looking for something more.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:18 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • Just read your response, will be back in a bit to see what sources i can find.
    VGonzalez73

    Answer by VGonzalez73 at 9:21 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • The Emotionally Abusive Relationship... Beverly Engel
    How Long Does It Hurt Cynthia L. Mather
    The Right to Innocence Beverly Engel
    I Never Told Anyone Ellen Bass
    Adult Children Secrets of Dysfunctio... John C. Friel Ph.D
    An Adult Child's Guide to What's 'No... John C. Friel Ph.D
    Adult Children of Abusive Parents Steven Farmer
    The Courage to Heal Workbook Laura Davis
    I googled and found quite a few books; I would suggest trying to search your local library for resources. I also did a google search for Support Groups and found: http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical-Emotional-Abuse/support-group. I would say maybe try a few searches using google and typing in your own local area and seeing what you can find.
    Best wishes.
    VGonzalez73

    Answer by VGonzalez73 at 9:35 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

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