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5 Bumps

Will someone just talk to me please? (read details for explantion, thank you) Kind of long, sorry.

I just found out I am pregnant with #5. My husband and I were using condoms and the pill to avoid this until we could either get insurance or the money saved to get a hysterectomy. I don't believe in abortion and I honestly don't think I could give my child up for adoption, but I know that he or she would have a much better life being adopted. My husband is of course extremely against adoption. We live in a really tiny place and not able to move because his hours have been cut way back. He is lucky to get 20 hrs a week. He has been looking for another job, but no luck because he does not have a GED or Diploma. My depression has come back full force and I fell like a sh*t. Do you think my child will resent me if I gave him/her up for adoption when we have 4 other children at home. I will answer any questions anyone has, so check back often.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:16 PM on Nov. 25, 2010 in Pregnancy

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • If you were being as careful as you say you were, there is a reason why you are pregnant.
    As for your home being tiny. My mom was raised with 9 kids in a 1 bedroom home. you can do this. you may need to be really creative but you can do it.
    Sorry I don't have more helpful info I can give. HUGS!!!
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:18 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • Do apply for your State's Medicaid. It is income based, so you should qualify, even if you own your own home and car(s). You'll need a financial cushion, whether you decide to keep #5 or put #5 up for adoption.

    Should you opt for adoption, there are organizations you can go through and "hand-pick" your baby's future parents. Or you can find an organization that is faith-based, if that's your cup of tea. Remember that YOU have the right to change your mind, no matter what you decide.

    And also consider having your husband get HIS tubes tied, instead of having yours done. There seem to be less complications with men than women with the procedure... Certainly talk to your doctor about his opinion.

    P.S. My parents and my sibling and I lived in a ONE bedroom house until I was nearly 10 years old. Some of the best times of my life were crammed into that little house!
    GoodyBrook

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 10:18 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • I would keep that baby and the is personally because I was adopted and I wanted my parents. I wanted to know my brother and sisters, do what you feel is right but honestly try to look for work or even contact family and ask for help.. If I were in your shoes I would do anything and everything in my power to keep my child, to find another means of income. I couldn't and wouldn't get rid of my child cause of finances. Alot of people have hardships and loose there jobs but they aren't giving there kids away for that matter.

    If you do decided to do adoption MEDICADE in any state covers 100% permint forms of BC ( tying tubes, hysto..)
    GL with your choice and i hope you dfind the answer you need.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:39 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • Do whatever you feel is best for your child. I would do research on the pro's and cons of adoption. I would also try to live (money wise) as if the 5th baby was already born that way you can see if financially you can handle another child you never know maybe it wont be that bad.Also for your husband getting a GED I think that DHR can help you out with that so you might want to call. The problems that you brought up (space and money) are issues that can be fixed with time and hard work. Also remember that children aren't as picky as we are. The only thing they truly want is are love. In the end the decision is up to you and I'm sure you'll make the right one.

    Jenaiko01

    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 9:51 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • I am sorry for your situation. It must be a very hard thing to choose. I have four children and I can honestly say that it would be almost impossible for me to give up a baby after I carried it and gave birth to it. I would work my butt off and make my husband work his butt off to provide for our children. When there is a will there is a way. I am just concerned that you might get even more depressed if you give up this child. Either way, the decision is a tough one. I wish you the best. God bless.
    twinkletoes0408

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 10:28 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • No, I do not think the child will resent you. I think they would understand. My grandmother gave her second child up for adoption because of the same type of situation. My aunt is happy and often talks to my grandmother now. My grandmother then had another four children after the fact and kept them. She just couldn't afford the second one at the time. It is a good decision.
    ashisamom

    Answer by ashisamom at 9:20 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • I think you need to do what you feel is right in your heart, if you can't give your #5 what you need and what that baby needs, you need to opt for a better future for your child.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 9:21 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • I'm so sorry you're in this position. Sounds like you were trying to prevent pregnancy. I became preg. on birth control as well. Do you have a preacher or councilor in the community you can go to for advise? Sometimes I feel that if they don't know me & family, I'll get a more honest approach to the situatuon.
    Kathy675

    Answer by Kathy675 at 9:24 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • I'm so sorry that things are hard for you right now. I agree with the pp that it sounds like there's a reason for this baby. Whether it's because you were meant to raise the child or if it was so someone else who can't have kids biologically are able to have a child, I don't know.

    I don't think the child would resent you. If you want, you could probably write a letter explaining to the child - how much you love him or her, how you would love to be able to keep them, but how you know you aren't able to provide for them, and, as hard as it is, you chose to give the child to a family that also loved them, but was able to provide for them. Give it to the adopting parents, and ask them to give it to the child if/when it ever came up.

    Also - keep in mind, the child wouldn't necessarily ever know you, that you had other kids at home, etc, to resent you for.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:31 PM on Nov. 25, 2010

  • cont

    I'm NOT trying to add to your stress, but I think that something that you might want to think about and decide how you would handle it before you decide what to do, more than would the child resent you, is how you would explain this to the other 4 kids.

    I am SO sorry you're facing this. I, too, got pg using birth control methods (multiple ones, as well). I remember sitting in my hall with my dh and my (then) 6 mo old ds, holding my home pg test, and all 3 of us crying..... Admittedly, I was in a better situation (only one other kid, my dh was military, so we had insurance, a steady paycheck, etc). But, I can say that 16 yrs later, I have been so glad that my dd was born - she's been a blessing to us and to many other people.

    Good luck whatever you decide to do, I wish there was something practical I could do to help you right now! (((hugs)))
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:36 PM on Nov. 25, 2010