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I NEED YOUR OPINIONS PLEASE !

My daughters are 11 and 12. I have seen that girls start to have boyfriends (kissing, etc..) in 6th grade. Some parents don't mind and I'm not one to tell anyone how to raise their kids. But DH, myself and girls god parents sat down and agrred not to let girls date or give their number out to boys til the 11 grade. Te reason being that we want them to put all their energy and mind into studying, instead of the drama that comes with dating. I want my girls to be successful. One wants to be a Forensic DNA Scientist and the other a Computer Scientist. Their dad dropped out in 9th grade. I dropped out in 11 grade. then in 2004 I got my GED. God mother a 3rd grade teacher and God father disabled. The reason for me to want it this way is to stop the cycle of drop outs. It's time for some successful people in our family and I don't want unnecassary distractrions in their life. It's aleady hard enough being a preteen, then a teenager who has to find themselves. Are we wrong for wanting the best for them even if it we set rules as them not being able to date til 11 grade or giving boys their number til then as well. What do you think?

 
suelo74

Asked by suelo74 at 1:58 AM on Nov. 26, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 16 (2,334 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I have 2 teens - a ds that will be 18 in just over a month and in 12th grade, and a dd that is 16 and in 11th. They weren't allowed to date when they were the ages of your kids. But, I did let them exchange phone numbers (at that age - it would be home numbers - NOT cell numbers). Also, as they got older, they were allowed to date. BUT - there's a huge difference between being allowed to date, in a controlled environment - we meet them, they have to get permission to go places, we know who, where, what, when, etc, grades, church, and extracurricular activities are not to be dropped because of dating, etc.

    This way, they aren't held so tightly that they rebel (I know kids who do), but they're also not given free reign to do whatever they want and act irresponsibly. They also start to learn to balance social lives, dating, and their other responsibilities while we're still able to have some control and guidance over it.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:42 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Only you know what's right for your girls! I applaud you and hope your rules last that long. I had 2 sons and if they weren't studying, playing sports, they had a p/t job. They did go on dates like school dances and football games but all in all they were too busy with other priorities. My oldest son is in the Air Force and youngest son is in college. So they turned out great! :)
    Kathy675

    Answer by Kathy675 at 2:26 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I completely understand you wanting the best for your girls or at the very least wanting better for them than you had. My son is only 2 and want this for him more than anything in the world!!! But you need to keep the "times" in mind, there is so much information and so many ways to communicate "nowadays" and our "babies" are becoming more mature with these changing times, and learning things a whole quicker than we did at their age. Kids are having babies and getting pregnant at 11 and 12 and keeping their babies!! It's sickening to me but such is life. If you deny your girls having boyfriends (which really you cannot help that), but you can control the dating part.
    truthteller0722

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 2:23 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I have 2 adult sons and 3 adult daughters I do know that if you instill your morals into your children at an early age for instance christian values when they are older they will respect those values so long as they are not forced on them. I have told my children from a very early age not to have sex til your married. That God loves them and I love them and that I trust them to make wise choices even when I am not there. You can't preach at a child and expect them to listen but you can guide them every day with positive enforcement. becareful forbidding a child from doing something, because that's usually when they will do it. Trust your children they will make mistakes we all do but keep on loving them and telling them you are proud of them dispite any mistakes.
    Die4Jesus

    Answer by Die4Jesus at 3:05 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I agree with sailorwife. You can be too strict and they start to rebel. I did that myself with my mom. Good luck
    arenad

    Answer by arenad at 9:07 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

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