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4 Bumps

Adoption Relationship...

We placed our baby up for adoption at birth. Her parent's were chosen when I was only 4 months pregnant. We were able to establish an AMAZING relationship with them during the course of the pregnancy. We met up a few times a month for dinner and outings. Luckly enough they live about 20 minutes away from us (we had no idea, found their adopting profile online through an agency!). The adoptive parents were at the delivery (a.mom was in the room watching) and my husband was holding my hand. It was an amazing experience for everyone.

Almost 7 months later, we still have the BEST relationship and are always in contact. A.Mom is one of my best friends now.

My question is this:
Are their any birth mom's out there who have this type of relationship with their child's adoptive parents?

 
AtHomeMommy-3

Asked by AtHomeMommy-3 at 7:18 AM on Nov. 26, 2010 in Adoption

Level 19 (7,103 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I wouldn't consider my son's amom a best friend. But, certainly after 22 years of her being in my life I consider her a freind and I love her.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 4:33 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • bump
    heidim229

    Answer by heidim229 at 7:34 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I can't tell you from a mother's prospective but I can from a childs. I have to say my adoptive parents don't have any type of friendship/relationship with my birth parents.
    sweetpea1217

    Answer by sweetpea1217 at 10:01 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I was, we were very close. We chose them when I was about 6 months along. Emailed every day and met every once in awhile. They missed her birth by about 40 minutes....she came faster than we thought she would. Our relationship has changed a lot as my daughter has grown. Right now, we are not....but hopefully moving back to that. They have some issues they need to deal with and it hurts and devastates me that they have pushed me away. But this is a lifelong relationship and hopefully they can see that.
    kclarsh

    Answer by kclarsh at 7:16 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • As a birth Mom to my son, (He was given up at birth also) I can honestly say I am not AS close as you and your A.Mom but still pretty close. We talk alot and email often so that helps. Its nice to know that there are good stories about adoption as you normally only hear about the bad ones.
    ChristianJMommy

    Answer by ChristianJMommy at 11:35 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • Wow. I hope this continues for you and blessings to you this holiday season. For my friends who have contact with their child's birth parents they do not have that best friend relationship. In two of them - both birth mothers want that best friend relationship and for the adoptive mother to provide the emotional support they need. Almost for the adoptive mom to "adopt" them as another child as well. In one case my friend had to really set clear boundaries that she can not be the birth mother's best friend or counselor. She never asked about the child - she just wanted the adoptive mother. It was very sad and also very hard. In the other the child is only a few months old and his birth mother is still in high school. She really is just a child herself. And the adoptive mom is a therapist. So you can see how boundaries can get blurred. But my friend was NEVER the therapist for this girl nor were any of the

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:11 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • cowrkers. The adoptive mom is paving the way for a relationship and setting boundaries. Both have healthy "open" relationships but they are not ever going to be best friends. Another close friend is very good friends with her son's adoptive parents. They are pretty much equal footing. Her teen son, whom she placed for adoption at birth, visits her on weekends and holidays. They have dinner with the adoptive family. I would never describe them as best friends but they do have regular contact and a very healthy respectful relationship. I have heard other birth mothers speak in public telling of their very strong relationships and how they are truly friends with the adoptive family. I think it can happen but I don't think it is very common.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:16 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Im a birthmother of a 3 yr old placed at birth. I really wish I could say we have a relationship but only once a year for 4 hours do I get to see her and I get pics maybe 2x's a year. They are good people but I cant call them a friend.
    TLW514

    Answer by TLW514 at 7:35 PM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • My adoptive parents moved in the middle of the night across country when they found out my bmom was trying to get me back. This was before the adoption even got started. My bmom obviously didn't have a chance with my a-parents controlling the situation. Oddly enough they've made my life a living hell since then and I could never EVER measure up to their natural kid. Why they kept me is beyond my comprehension. They have information on my bmom that I could use to find her but they refuse to give it up telling me that I should "forget about her". Well, I won't and don't and I WILL find her some day.
    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 3:43 AM on Nov. 30, 2010

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