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My daughter.......

In her desperation to get pregnant and running out of money posted an ad on the internet for a sperm donor, stating they were a lesbian couple wanting a child. She got this response among many: Being Gay is fine,,But gay people having children is completely selfish and unfair to the child,,,,,,,,,,Please think about what you are doing........Love each other and adopt a dog or cat..................

This was her response:I find it somewhat amusing that you prefaced your blatantly bigoted opinion with an attempt to sound “gay-friendly” by stating that “being gay is fine”. Oh how very kind of you, good sir, to grant me your permission to be the person that I am without having to worry that you might have a problem with it. Now I can sleep soundly tonight and give thanks for the generosity of your substantially distorted idea of tolerance.

Luckily for me and my partner, we don’t need your permission to be parents any more than we need your permission to be gay. We have thought long and hard about what we are doing and are absolutely confident that we will be the very best parents we can be when our time comes.

You say that gay people having children is completely selfish and unfair to the child. Well, Mr. Jeff Ireland, I say that you are sadly mistaken. People who have children not because they want them but because they were too ignorant or lazy to use protection, people who have children so that they can have somebody to bully, abuse or extort, people who have children to trap somebody in a toxic relationship or to use as pawns when that relationship ends….those are the people who behave selfishly and unfairly to their children.

People like me and my partner, on the other hand, who go through hell and high water to bring that child to life and who will provide a happier, healthier, and far more loving home than many dejected children of heterosexual couples will ever know…we are not being selfish or unfair at all. What we are being is strong enough to know that we deserve to have children just as much as most of our heterosexual counterparts do and in some unfortunate cases, we are even more deserving than certain heterosexual couples who though physically capable, will never be emotionally or mentally equipped to raise a child properly.

We already have dogs and cats and in the near future, we will also have children. We will continue to love each other as unconditionally as we do now and will share that love and the joy that it brings with our children so that they can grow to love life as much as we do and to celebrate the diversity that surrounds them every day.

Being a narrow-minded asshole is fine, but trying to impose ridiculous views on strangers is selfish and unfair to your fellow human beings who just so happen to think and live a little differently than you but are still entitled to the same pursuit of happiness as everybody else, regardless of whether or not they have your permission or approval.

My ability to rise above ignorance and intolerance like yours is but one of the many things for which I will give thanks today. Despite your misguided opinions, I genuinely hope that you, too, have reasons to be grateful today and I hope that you will spend your time focusing more on those things than you will on trying to dictate how others should live their lives that you know absolutely nothing about.



Asked by older at 8:19 AM on Nov. 26, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 69 (2,285,492 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (31)
  • Good Job to ur daughter!!! Well written respose.

    Answer by trachmom312 at 2:41 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • I think it was well writen and very true. It is sad that there are so many children in this world that are brought into and then hurt, abused, etc. I have alwasy felt that if you are going to love and care for a child and treat them well, raise them to be adults then you should have chldren. To me it does not matter if you are straight, gay, inter-ractial, ect. People should be able to live their lives, as long as they aren't hurting others.

    Good Luck!

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 8:29 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • serioulsy?? I can not believe someone wrote that!! If a couple is going to love a child and raise in a loving home, who cares if they are gay or straight! There a plenty of children born to heterosexual couples who are abused and neglected. THAT is selfish. Being raised by a couple who is loving, no matter who they are, is what is important.

    Answer by layh41407 at 8:53 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • What do people get off on telling other people who should & shouldn't  having children?! Your daughter's response was well written & classy.


    Answer by NubianQueen78 at 9:12 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Your daughter is intelligent, well spoken and classy.  I have no doubt that you are very proud because I know I would be.  

    {{{HUGS}}} to you both.


    Answer by beeky at 11:55 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Thank you cornflakegirl!!!

    Comment by older (original poster) at 8:31 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I am sorry that your daughter and other gay people have to deal with people who are such asses. Hopefully when your daughter's kids and my kids are grown up gays will have more rights and there will be less discrimination. I hope she gets to have a baby soon.


    Answer by lilysmom2607 at 8:32 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • thank you lilys, from your words to reality!

    Comment by older (original poster) at 8:33 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Your daughter is awesome. On a side note, I know there is a GLBT parenting group on Babycenter and they are very helpful in finding resources to help you become a parent.

    Answer by purpleducky at 8:47 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • purple, that is great, do you have a link?

    Comment by older (original poster) at 8:48 AM on Nov. 26, 2010

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