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2 Bumps

How do you share your fantasies with your partner? adult content

I am extremely easily embarassed when it comes to issues of sex. I'm honestly not sure why.

I trust my SO completely and know he would be extremely turned on by any suggestion (he was a very open sexual person before we met and has pretty much done it all - and yes, he is disease free because he had very few partners... but a very "experienced" sexual relationship), but I just CANNOT bring myself to tell him everything. I thought about writing it but that embarasses me also. :(

I WANT so badly to express these things to him as I have never told anyone else, but for many reasons I haven't:
1) I get easily embarassed
2) I don't want nay of my suggestions to be a turn off to him (just in case there are some)
3) I don't want him to think that because some of my fantasies involve other ment hat I will ever stray
4) I may not be 100% completely ready for all of my fantasies yet
5) I think I'm almost scared to try some of the things that I think I want because I may not like them
6) Some of the things I want to do I think I would be embarassed to try (like I would get embarassed during trying to do it in general)
7) I don't think my physical appearance is good enough for many of them

Have you expressed these secrets to your SO? If so, how?

I need suggestions if I'm ever going to completely open up!

Thanks :)


Asked by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on Nov. 26, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I have a couple of suggestions. First, try writing notes. It's less confrontational, you can even be away when he reads them and he can be away when you read his response. If that's too much, you can even write stories around your fantasies, with characters who are not you guys, and give them to him as inspiration. Then it's just a story you wrote and not a secret desire :) Second, you have to trust. You have to push yourself outside of your comfort zone and make yourself express these things. He loves you, and if something IS a turn off for him, he will let you down gently and HE WILL STILL LOVE YOU. Third, having a fantasy about other men isn't a bad thing. It's something fun to explore with your partner. Just reassure him that it's ONLY a fantasy, and you have no real desire to stray.

    I've got a bit more to write so I will continue this in another post.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 3:38 PM on Nov. 26, 2010


    Last, when I told my husband that I had many unexpressed fantasies that I was uncomfortable telling him, he made me feel comfortable by making me tell him DURING sex. Your inhibitions are very, VERY much lowered when you are very aroused. He waited until we were REALLY into it (not just starting) and would stop and make me tell him each fantasy, one at a time, before he would continue. It was such sweet torture lol. And I wasn't ashamed or afraid to tell him because I was already in la la land from being in the middle of sex. You might try something like that, where you divulge your fantasies during sex. He will be more receptive and you will be less shy then :)

    Answer by Ati_13 at 3:42 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I just tell him. I had to push myself through it. I did a strip tease for my dh couple of weeks ago and after pushing through my fears...I am much more confident.

    Answer by Mom2Just1 at 3:43 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Oh, and put this silly "I don't look good enough" thing aside. He loves you and obviously finds you very attractive. Try to see yourself thtrough his eyes.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 3:44 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I have recently, and as you, as I was very embarrassed. We basically did it while IĀ“ming eachother from the living room and the kitchen each of us on our computer, and we are slowly (or I am, becuause I am the one who is embarrased though I trust him with my life), learning to talk about it face to face. VERY SLOWLY. lol

    Answer by Luisa621 at 10:11 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • always sugest tyhing during sex hell d0 anthing u want

    Answer by kylelynsmom at 1:39 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

  • My DH and I have this little game we play called "communication"...we spend every night after the kids are in bed just talking and sex, no foreplay, nothing. Just a conversation about anything we want to talk about (life, feelings, wants, and needs). These conversations started before marrying him and they still play an active roll in our relationship today. I am still learning who he is and he is learning about me. It doesn't stop once you are married! People think that once they have made that commitment that they know "EVERYTHING" about their SO/DH but you really don't. I suggest a nightly conversation and you can start with some topics in a hat and work from there. You should never feel uncomfortable talking to someone you claim a life together with which I would then ask why spend your life with someone you can't even talk to about intimate things yet you can day to day things? It makes no sense!


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:42 PM on Nov. 26, 2010