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PLEASE read.. need advice. How can I do this?!!?

Let me give you a little background first. I have known my ex husband for a year. He was a good friend before dating. We dated for like 6 months. He was the first person I decided to date in over two years. I ended up getting pregnant. Our relationship was going so well and we wanted to get married later down the line. Although looking back I regret it VERY much.. we got married earlier than expected. After we got married it was a complete change from him. He started getting super controlling and degrading. I have a 2 year old son from a previous relationship and he started taking it upon himself to start spanking him. When I brought it to his attention on how I didn't appreciate him spanking my child, non the less he was leaving marks, he got mad at ME! One night my son obviously had a bad dream and woke up in a panic. He demanded me not to get up so I just watched him. He started yelling at him "knock it off" then decided to put his hand over my sons mouth which obviously didn't stop him from crying. I got up after that and my son jumped into my arms. I rocked him back and forth to calm him down. Another event was my son didn't go to bed right when he was put down and started to cry. He got him out of bed took him by one hand and spanked him. He probably went up 3 or 4 feet in the air. Instead of telling me how beautiful I am (what he once did) he was talking to me like a piece of dirt. There were many times I would leave the room speakless with my mouth open in shock. He never liked how I would go visit family. He would never come or back out at the last minute. He ended up going off on me one night because i went to have dinner with my mother. He said he wanted a divorce and to get my things out of the house. Now he is getting crazy on me because he thinks he has parental rights for my 2 year old son. I keep reminding him he doesn't have any rights over 2 year old son. When things don't go his way he gets crazy angry. How can someone just completely change? He is really starting to scare me. I will just cry if I have a boy because I don't want my ex to abuse him. He once told me if he had a daughter he wouldn't have the heart to spank her etc which is why I said I would cry if I had a boy. Its sad. I don't know what to do but day by day it gets worse with him. What would you do in my position?! Anything I can do to make sure he doesn't get visits without me around? I don't know I am just worried. Help!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:47 PM on Nov. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • dad always said, "sometimes it takes a year or more to get to know someone."

    For some time that person is just amazing, and later the tables turn- and the real person comes out.


    Hon, I don't really have the answers. I think you need to get away from soon as possible. 

    You definitely need to talk to someone (who has some good advice) and will have guidance for you.




    Answer by khf22 at 3:51 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • You need to go to your divorce lawyer and document the abuse. And if you can't guarantee supervised visitation, I would personally leave the state before giving birth, take a new name, cover my trail and leave his name off the birth cert. It is terrifying how he treated your son. Don't let that happen to you or your new baby. Ever.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 3:52 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • It sounds like he was an abuse man, any documentation you may have of that fact will likely help you in a custody/visitation hearing. Are you having a boy this time around too then? Honestly though even if it were a girl I'd be scared of the man you're describing. As far as your two year old goes, it may wind up going to court but given the length of the relationship it sounds like he shouldn't have any rights at all unless he adopted your son.
    Is he the kindo f guy who'd pay child support. I know that it would help you, but if he's like you say you might see if he'll sign away his parental rights if you don't make him pay child support. Even though it may leave you a bit hung out, if it's better for your kid I'd say it might be worth it.

    Answer by JadeRDragosani at 3:52 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Ya. I definitely regret it very much. I don't live with him ( I think I left that out) I am moving to Tennessee with a friend for a while this weekend. He is freaking out much more... All I told him was "im going to visit a friend in Tennessee for a couple weeks" I am glad I am going to be away from him. I guess I just need someone who has been maybe in the same situation to see how they survived it. Thanks.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:54 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • he should not have visits even with you there, sounds like you will be abused too
    IF visitation, it should be court ordered that it is supervised - and not by you- but someone appointed by the court, bet he will be on good behavoir when a court therapist is watching his every move

    to do this, first you need a lawyer, a killer lawyer, did you write this all down in dated journal? if not start NOW, this may help, also this lawyer should ask for the court to eval both of you, you will pass, he may not if he has real anger issuegood chnace this will show with court appointed therapy person- they see through this act

    good luck
    get a killer lawyer!!

    Answer by fiatpax at 3:56 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I don't know what I am having yet.I have already taken my 2 year olds father to court. My ex is not his father and definitely not the biological father so the court wouldn't grant him any rights. Which makes me happier that my son is safe.. just the baby on the way.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:58 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Ok get up make a call to your mom and ask her if you and you son can stay with her for a while. Then go pack you and him some clothes, toiletries and toys for you son and leave. This is a situation that is not ever going to get better. You need to get out of there for your children. Hard as it may seem you can make it without him and I hope you have friends and family support because that will help. If you don't then come on back on here and I will at least give you moral support. No one should ever put their hand over a childs mouth especially when they are scared. I would also suggest you and your son seek counseling because coming out of an abusive (yes abusive) home will have some long term effects that you will both need to learn how to deal with. Also seek a divorce attorney. Unless your husband adopted your son he has no parental rights. good luck

    Answer by angelmine2011 at 4:00 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Thank you guys! This has helped.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:00 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • My dear you were in what they call the honeymoon phase where everything is lovey dovey and he says what you want him to say but now you know I am sorry you should run this is not going to get better and when its all said and done take care of you and your son and the one on the way God speed.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 5:26 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Step One: Leave him.
    Step Two: Get a lawyer.
    Step Three: Fight for full custody once your child is born.
    Step Four: Learn from your mistakes so that you don't make them again.

    Good Luck!

    Answer by scout_mom at 8:03 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

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