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4 Bumps

Good Lord, My mother is a nutjob! VENT!

So last week, my husband and I decided that of we die, our children will go live with my husband's parents. My parents have medical issues and are not really up to the task of raising three rambunctious boys. So I tell my mom. She has a complete fit, yelling and crying that my inlaws are going to keep the boys from her and that she will never see them again. Not true, but she has a flair for the dramatic. So DH and I discuss it and change our minds and now guardianship will go to my best friend. My mom would not speak to me, but called my husband to help her with a computer problem. So my husband told her of our change in guardianship.
Okay. Then she and my Dad were to come over for lunch the next day. I really did not expect her to come, but she did anyway. She acted like nothing happened. They ate lunch and left. She has not called me since. That was over a week ago. Today is when we have our Thanksgiving because it is her favorite holiday, she has it on Friday so all of her kids can be at her house and not have to rush off to go to their inlaws.
So I am very sick, I have been running a fever for 3 days, I am weak and shivery. I can barely stand, let alone go to her house for dinner. I called her this morning and immediately she says she is sorry they got me sick. My dad was sick when they came for lunch. I tell her I am too sick to make it for lunch. She says that she wants the older two kids to go to her house for dinner. I tell her that I can not drive them, I am too sick. I also say that I have the food for the things for the dishes I was to bring, but they need to be cooked still. She says she will come get the kids, I tell her to call before they come for the kids.
About 90 minutes later, my dad shows up and is mad the kids are not ready. I asked why he didn't call to tell me he was on his way, he says my mom was going to. I rush around and am working to get the kids ready and she calls 5 minutes after he gets here to tell me he is on his way. {rolls eyes}
So I gather all the food and kids and send them off. She calls me about 30 minutes later and gets mad I didn't pick up the phone the first time, Uh hello! I am sick here. She she is demanding the recipe for the sweet potato casserole and then as I am trying to explain to her that she needs to relax for a minute because I didn't have the recipe on me, she starts yelling "God Dammit! You are too sick to help me, I will call someone else."
I tried to tell her she was being rude and to hold on I would help her but she hung up on me. I tried calling her back, but she would not answer the phone.
I did not want to leave my kids at her house if she was acting like that. She and my dad have very short fuses and I did not want my kids getting yelled at for nothing.
I look on facebook and she has posted..."Friday is our Thanksgiving Day, Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!! Thank You difficult people. You make life interesting." And she posted it about 5 minutes after talking to me that morning, the first time.
Whatever! I get dressed, load the baby in the car and drive the 15 miles to her house. I walk in and tell my boys to get in the car. She is in the kitchen cooking and I hear her yelling about me and what a bitch I am. Nice!
She didn't hear me come in and my dad was yelling at her that I was there and taking the kids.
Then she starts trying to back petal and say the kids are fine there and that they can leave if they want to, but they don't have to if they don't want to.

All of this crap because we chose someone else to be the guardian for our kids if we die. This is they exact reason we did chose someone else. She is completely unstable.

What would you have done in this situation?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:09 PM on Nov. 26, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • The same damn thing! I would have been like Fuck you mom, you need to get a grip! Completely mental. If I died I would leave guardianship of my girl to my mom, only because my husband's mom has a full time job and is very poor, whereas my mom doesn't work at all, my stepdad pays the bills and they're thoroughly middle-class. Plus my mom is in way better health than my MIL. Thankfully both of them would be understanding of whatever decision I chose to make. If either of them were that mental, we'd be having some words.

    Answer by FluffyMamaBunny at 4:15 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I would have only told the people who I designated guardian. In my opinion no one else needs to know.
    I would have been very angry if my mother was using language like that (about me!) in front my children and would have taken them home for sure.
    My mom is similar in her flair for the dramatic, I just don't tell her things that will wind her up. But I also HATE conflict and avoid it at all cost. Which can be good and bad :S

    Answer by tobys.mommy at 4:15 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • You can't just choose people for such a daunting task of rearing your children. You have to discuss it with the people, get their permission and make plans (insurance, bank accounts for the kids future). Then you go to a lawyer and sign a contract which makes it too hard to fight in court. Then you don't discuss it with unstable people in your family.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:34 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Well no, she might be dead and not care about the reaction - but her mother would make a legal guardianship fight out of it and it would have impact on the kids.

    Answer by FluffyMamaBunny at 4:22 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • BUMP!!!!!!!! I really have no idea. Shes acting like a 2 year old!

    Answer by khf22 at 4:14 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I am sorry. The best thing is to just let it go.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 4:23 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Telling her or not will not keep her from fighting it in court...she can do that anyway

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 4:32 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • In some way We are mom will not get my kids if something happens to us..and I dont think his mom will either. I believe hands down that they would be much better off with my aunt!! and I am trying to prepare myself for that backlash!! I kind of just want to let my aunt know and leave it in writing so when im gone they cant fight over it. thats how I wanted it..PERIOD!

    Dont stress over it...IMO if you cant bring happiness in my life i just dont need you. Alot of people think I sound cold hearted towards my family..but the ones that brought me so much pain have no business in my life and I REFUSE to expose my kids to it! BEst of luck to you with this!

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 4:38 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • It certainly sounds as if there are a LOT of issues present in this situation.

    And I for one would never change my decision regarding who is awarded guardianship in the event of my death based on the fact that my mommy had a fit. NEVER. If I had made a well-thought-out decision that was in the best interest of my children, I'd have one hell of a screw loose if I allowed that decision to be changed by the situation as it is described here.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:57 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Wow, your mom sounds a little unbalanced. First of all, I can understand why you told her. If something were to happen to you and your husband, it would be hard enough on your children without your mother causing some kind of legal battle or anything like that. There should be no surprises. My own biological mother is completely crazy, and after trying so many times to have a healthy relationship with her, I finally gave up four years ago. I just couldn't keep dealing with the wild ups and downs. It was constantly like "I love you. No, I HATE you. No, I hate you but I NEED you to love me!" I just couldn't take it anymore.

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 9:36 PM on Nov. 26, 2010