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how can i get him to help?

when i feel under appreciated by my hubbie i tell him how i feel.....it gets better for about a week or two but then its right back to the way it was before. we both work pretty much the same hours but i still do all the cooking,95% of the cleaning, all the laundry, take the garbage out while he sits there watching tv with his feet up or on the phone. when i ask him to help he gets upset ......but thats the only way i have any help. my 4 year old sees the way he acts so she acts the same way. WHAT CAN I DO? i feel more like cinderella then i do a mother and a wife... HELP me

Answer Question
 
jessie02444

Asked by jessie02444 at 4:35 PM on Nov. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Read the book For Better or For Best by Gary Smalley. You can get it at the library and just read that chapter!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:40 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Stop cooking and cleaning for him. Clean only what YOU need to be clean specifically. Don't wash his clothes. Make food for yourself and your kid(s) but don't feed him. Tell him he can do it himself, then steal the remote and sit on your ass and watch TV. or read a book. something for yourself. Once he realizes how hard it is to do everything, maybe he'll be more inclined to help. Men are like kids half the time.
    FluffyMamaBunny

    Answer by FluffyMamaBunny at 4:41 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • me personal-- Id stop doing anything for him let him see how much you do then maybe he'd realize you do need help
    raisingmen

    Answer by raisingmen at 4:41 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Do a protest...dont do anything but whats absolutely necessary for a certain period of time..tell them you are protesting the lack of help and sense of non-appreciation that you feel that you are not doing anything but whats absolutely necessary for (however many days you decide) so they can see how much you actually do and maybe, just maybe he will get the hint and step up.
    tat2dprincess

    Answer by tat2dprincess at 4:45 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Let the house work go. See if he notices.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:47 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • i did stop doing everything for a week and the only thing that got done was the dishes. i have to remind him of his appointments and to take his back pain pills and to pick her up from daycare. i feel like im raising 2 children instead of one
    jessie02444

    Comment by jessie02444 (original poster) at 4:49 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Unfortunately I don't have any advice for you cause I'm in the same boat. The only thing that I haven't tried is to go out of town for a few days and leave him to deal with everything on his own.
    You might try putting together a chore chart and have everyone assigned to at least one thing everyday. Pls don't do strikes tho. I've been dealing with the consequences of my last strike for MONTHS! My stupid nosey neighbor came over and saw the house was trashed (I was trying to get my dh to realize how much work I was doing) and called CPS on us. Well since they came by the very next day it was still in the same condition. I wish now that I would have just dealt with it and not tried to make a point.
    2murphyboys

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 5:01 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Okay, I wouldn't play any games here, and quit doing what needs to be done. The times that works are few and far between. What we have here is a failure to communicate. Now, as you said, you feel like Cinderella. The difference between you and her is that she was pretty much captive - you are not. You need to tell hubby that you NEED to talk. You can do all the talking - but you need to let him know that this is getting out of control and putting your very marriage at stake. Keep it calm - sell it softly - but firmly - that the free housekeeping service is over. Tactfully point out what his lack of help is teaching your daughter. If he understands that his is killing his marriage, what will his reaction be?
    mommyx9

    Answer by mommyx9 at 5:49 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I feel your pain. My hubby is the same way complain, complain and wine. Been married for 10yrs and still no change. Have had to resort to basically ignoring him. We live in the same house, but pretty much roomates. It's sad. I do most of the housework and child rearing while he stays up till 3am playing comp games. Have tried the protest, not clean or talk to him for days. Didn't work. Like your hubby he expects his wife to do everything for him without any acknowledgement. It's depressing. All I can say is maybe get some professional help. Marriage therapist? I'm convinced this behavior must stem from his upbringing. How was his upbringing? Does he have good relationship with his mom and dad? Did mommy baby him? It's about time he grow up and be a man!
    PipersDream

    Answer by PipersDream at 3:11 PM on Nov. 27, 2010

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