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2 Bumps

How do I tell my kids someone else is their dad?

I have 6 children and they all have the same last name but only two of them actually have the same father. The person I was married to is the person who they all call "dad" but he's actually the dad of two of my kids. The rest of them have 2 different dads.

My kids are 6,8,11,13,15 and 16. Now I got divorced I want to tell them the truth. How do I tell them? Should I wait until the little one is older?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:54 PM on Nov. 26, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • Telling them ASAP is your best option. The younger the better.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 4:55 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I would not wait, I think it is harder the older they are-its never gonna get easier but sooner you tell them the sooner they can deal with it. When you wait they feel they were lied to for that long. Plus if they get pissed you want to be able to work it out before they leave home, if you wait and tell them, you have less time together its harder for them to forgive
    raisingmen

    Answer by raisingmen at 4:57 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Okay...playing devils advocate again...unless the dad they know is making an issue of it...why would you say anything at all?
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 4:58 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Tell the oldest one induvidualy, unless they have the same father then tell them together. Just sit them down and say " I have been keeping something from you". The oldest ones might be a little mad at you for keeping it from them.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:01 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • No offense but why did you lie to them in the first place? It is a very bad move, I am sure they would have understood, now you are back tracking, and they may not be able to believe you in the future. But I would tell them right away!!
    blue_glass_mama

    Answer by blue_glass_mama at 5:02 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • my 4 year old got the news broken to her by her bio-dad himself. it didn't shake her world or anything, but she was confused by it for a little bit. she told my husband "you're not my real daddy, josh is" and i know that hurt him to the core (he's been raising her since she was an infant) but she didn't mean any harm by it. anyway, he disappeared after he told her. and it was the first time he'd seen her since her first birthday. now, about 3 months after the news, she never asks about him and is back to calling my hubby daddy.

    anyway, are the 2 other dads around? have they ever met him in passing? i suppose if they had they might understand better. but even if they haven't they should know the truth. they will resent you from keeping the truth about their dads from them, even if their dads might be absent or a-holes.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 5:03 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • This is always hard but if you kept their dad out of the pic for a reason (if hes violent, addict or something like that) then it may be in the kids best interest to keep things they way they are. But, kids are not stupid esp since you said you have teenagers they may already know or have an idea. I am going to assume the younger 2 are the ones with a diff dad, so the other children are old enough to know and just break it to them, no details just remind them how much you love them and felt it was time to let them know. Hope everything turns out great!
    vjoaquin

    Answer by vjoaquin at 5:04 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • I think that you need to get honest with ALL of your children. Your children are all old enough to know the truth. I believe being honest with your children from the beginning. They need to know that they can trust there mother and that there mother is gonna be always honest with them. Of Course your 6 and 8 yr old need to be told in a 6 and 8 yr old nature but your there mother and honestly is the best especially with your children.


    I do believe everyone parents differently but this situation is something that should have been clear from the beginning. I wish you all the best I am sorry if i came off rude or bitchy but i just believe honesty with your children from the beginning is VERY,VERY IMPORTANT.

    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 5:06 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • Being a dad is more than biology. IF your ex is making a huge deal of not being their "real" dad and your not getting any flack from the other dad's I wouldn't tell them. All it is going to do is give your kids fuel to use not only against him but you.
    2murphyboys

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 5:14 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

  • It seems you've been a busy girl.. I think you had better sit down and explain it all to them. It's not going to get any easier. GL. Oh and have a tubaligation, if you haven't already.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 5:23 PM on Nov. 26, 2010

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